neo
Indian
You can put an Indian back in India, but ...

Tag: satire

As an Indian woman, how do you feel when you drink water?

As you drink water, as the life-sustaining nectar that is as old as the Vedas and is as fresh as this moment washes away the tiredness of your long day, what do you think of? As an Indian woman water-drinker, do you find yourself wondering if the water will be safe for your husband and […]

Ganpati celebrations

(Contents of the blog techieguy4u.blogspot.com) September 3rd, 2021 This year Ganpati is only twenty-nine days long. The house is fully stocked up—as usual Reshma forced me to get enough food to last us three Ganpatis—the armed guards are patrolling outside, and the flags have been installed. Now I intend to relax and use these holidays […]

The Marriage Aptitude Test

It was always going to be hard for Neo to convince Mrs. Neo of his marriage-readiness, but it would have been quicker had Mrs. Neo made Neo take the following test: Write a snark-free essay on two of the following (3000+ words): My dad (your would-be father-in-law) Your emotions right now Foreplay Describe the appearance […]

Letter writing, and other polite ways to deal with crap

Respected Mr. Damodaran, As part of my neighborly endeavor to convince your kind self that your dog is the creator of the “doo doo” deposited frequently outside my front door, I have attached to this letter a set of nine photographs, one video and ten slides of my proposed presentation at the Society Meeting, tentatively […]

An important letter to my son, written during commercial breaks on TV

You didn’t cry when you were born; you just looked around the room with an expression that said, “Brighter than I expected, but whatever. Are all nurses this good-looking ? Why are y’all staring at me ? Shock laga kya?” You were Definitely Male, Born Tough, Like.No.Other. – The Best A Man Can Get. So, […]

A foreigner’s guide to traditional Hindu weddings

If you’ve just arrived from the US to attend a traditional Hindu wedding in India, you might be jet-lagged – but that’s not necessarily bad. While the other wedding guests groggily arrive at the wedding venue at 4 a.m., it will be late afternoon according to your body clock – the perfect time to enjoy […]

The unpublished journal of a successful entrepreneur

One year ago, I spent an entire night dreaming that I was a giant fly. When I awoke, I was startled to discover that I was myself. I decided that this was a vision, and asked my Guruji (from Better Living through Conscious Snoring) what I should do with it. Guruji told me to stop […]

A beginner’s guide to understanding racism, intolerance and bigotry

Several years ago, during a party at his house in the US, Neo decided to have some fun. He convinced a couple of his white guests to hop on one foot, because that was a customary Indian way to thank the host for a great party. For once, Mrs. Neo found it funny too, except […]

Outrage: A Survivor’s Guide to Recovery After Your Religious Sentiments Have Been Hurt

“Outrage needs to be a verb in Indian English. So when are we planning to outrage? 3:00 pm? Okay, will be there with effigy. “- @cgawker It’s your worst nightmare: you’re engaged in what seems to be a safe activity, such as visiting random websites on the Internet, reading the posts in the “Stuff That […]

A humble proposal to completely eliminate unnecessary and redundant phrases and clichés from our written words

Writing is a labor of love, but, as the sun sets in the west, and the moon rises in the night sky, Neo often thinks to himself, “Why do we writers use these redundant phrases in our writing ? Where else would the sun set and the moon rise ? Also, in the absence of […]

A quick refresher of ancient Indian history, in case you forgot what you learnt in school

The earliest evidence of human activity in India is 75,000 years old, in Tamil Nadu. Historians are divided on whether the homo sapiens skeletons discovered were Iyengar, Iyer, Hindi-speaking barbarians from northern India, or unemployed prehistoric historians who committed suicide due to career frustrations. By 2600 BC, in Harappa, we see proof of the first […]

The only piece of real estate in Bangalore that is worth buying

“It’s not an apartment, it’s an abode!” Welcome to Gurgling Creek Sprawling Meadows Courtyard Burj Al-Bangalore, a truly integrated township enclave featuring 10,000 idyllic, angelic, low-rise, high-tech, upscale, down-to-earth, close-to-nature, self-contained, self-sustainable, contemporary, exemplary, auxiliary, prestigious, almost religious, state-of-the-art, individually crafted, pedestrian-friendly, eco-friendly and vastu-friendly residential nay presidential homes that will leave you positively speechless, […]