Ganpati celebrations

by neo

(Contents of the blog

September 3rd, 2021

This year Ganpati is only twenty-nine days long. The house is fully stocked up—as usual Reshma forced me to get enough food to last us three Ganpatis—the armed guards are patrolling outside, and the flags have been installed. Now I intend to relax and use these holidays well by updating my blog regularly, which, as all three readers of this blog know, has been neglected for too long.

September 4th, 2021

The libertarians are full of crap. I totally support the government’s Electronic Ganpati Donation Yojana. The current system sucks. Just an ArmoredTaxiCab to the HHS tower in downtown costs Rs. 10,000. Then you wait in line for hours, submit your income statement, then wait again while they calculate your donation, and finally you pay them—in cash. If the minimum contribution rates change while you’re waiting, too bad—off you go to the ATM to withdraw some more money. Why ? This is 2021! Just take it out of our paycheck every month like every other tax, and mail us the arm-bands and the flags!

September 11th, 2021

This is my blog and I can show off. I love my sound-proofing. I’m sitting back and listening to Himesh classics, and I cannot hear even one sound from the outside.

There is another advantage to buying good sound-proofing—one that pays for itself. Instead of buying the expensive Chinese power generator which need proprietary atomic-packs, I got the cheap American one that runs on ordinary sewer-slud. Yes the American generator is noisy, but … yep, you guessed it: I have sound-proofing! Do the math, matafockers.

September 13th, 2021

Reshma is angry. She brought up the topic of my job with ChinaCom again, and I just said, and these are my exact words, “let’s discuss it after our cabin fever ends.” Is that being provocative ? Well, two hours later, we were still “discussing” whether I was being provocative. See this is the worst of both worlds: a heated debate that ruins the atmosphere, and we haven’t even discussed the main issue.

Look: I’m a techie, not a political activist. I love working on Microsoft Satellite technology. ChinaCom is merely selling this technology to DisasterTV. (And because this is a private blog, I can let you in on a secret. Microsoft Satellite 3.0 lets you live-zoom to any place on earth with a resolution of 3 inches. Just imagine, you can watch a cricket game from your satellite feed! Not that you cheapsters could afford it.)

Yes, I subscribe to DisasterTV, not because I love watching LiveStreamed violence coverage, but because they are the best way to find out where the violence is occurring. How does that make me a villain? 3.1 billion people subscribe to DisasterTV—how will my unsubscribing do anything other than make me less informed? And for the last time, ChinaCom is a technology provider, not a media company.

September 19th, 2021

Okay, there’s been some trouble. There was some shooting outside the house—nothing that the armed guards couldn’t handle. But our flags are missing; the guards said that as per their contract, they cannot guard any house without a flag. I’m trying to negotiate with them, but they are not budging. Going out to HHS now and getting a new flag is impossible: the Army is not letting any traffic into the Ganpati Zone south from Bandra. Has anyone used WiproSys Security before? What should I do? Any help will be appreciated.

September 21st, 2021

DisasterTV is showing reports of HHS trucks bulldozing houses that don’t have flags! We’re panicking here. I called up the police to ask for help; they said they would send a jeep. I don’t know what else to do. The guards are missing!

I think I’m going to wait outside so that the police jeep doesn’t miss our house.

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