The Marriage Aptitude Test
by neo
It was always going to be hard for Neo to convince Mrs. Neo of his marriage-readiness, but it would have been quicker had Mrs. Neo made Neo take the following test:
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Write a snark-free essay on two of the following (3000+ words):
- My dad (your would-be father-in-law)
- Your emotions right now
- Foreplay
- Describe the appearance of your ideal woman, starting with her shoes. Actually, just the shoes—the rest, I know.
- Critique the outfits I wore on our last 7 dates (skip the 3rd and 5th most recent dates; add more detail about the 6th.)
- Write a hypothetical conversation between you and any one of my girl-friends, where she will find you cute, endearing, sexy, funny and attractive, but not flirty; she should feel herself attracted to you, while realizing that she is definitely not your type.
- Draw a dinner fork, a teaspoon and a tablespoon. To scale.
-
List (all questions compulsory):
- 10 colors that are not in the rainbow, or in a box of crayons.
- 10 things you can do that my mom will find cute (bonus points for listing things that I haven’t told you).
- All our anniversaries and important days (use additional sheets if necessary).
- All festivals when you are not permitted to discuss religion, or give any variant of your “how 99% of the world’s religions are already extinct” speech.
- 10 friends—besides members of your “band”—that you think you will need to phase out of your life, once we’re married. (Do not include friends that have already been phased out.)
- Write the last joke you will ever make about my brother’s writing, clothing or preference for drinking warm water.
- Describe your favorite book of all time, and discuss how it could be improved to match Gone With The Wind.
- Describe in brief all your ex-girlfriends. Attach their pictures. All the pictures. And gifts, etc. Basically everything that’s in “the box.” Just attach the whole box.
- Under what circumstances are you permitted to lie to me ? (One word or less.)
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can’t stop laughing!
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Thanks, Kapil!
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“A maximum of how many days +22 are you capable of weathering it out (except come inside only to do the dishes) should you decide to publish this test on a blog?”
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Gauri,
Wait till you see my answers. Being in a LOT of trouble can be a strangely liberating experience. :)
-N
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Neo, gauri, Ady, Akila Ramachandran, r and others. r said: RT @neo_indian: New post: The Marriage Aptitude Test http://bit.ly/a6tGuM [...]
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This just brightened up my evening :) Hilarious stuff :)
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Thanks, Ashwini
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Based on these fundamentals, I should begin a finishing school for men!
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Giribala,
That’s an awesome idea, although I’d suggest including married men too. The process of finishing is not finished with marriage. :P
-N
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Giribala: Are you assuming most men won’t be finished by the time their finished replies to this quiz are read by their prospective brides? :-)
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Would love to read the answers in another post soon… both, the right answers…. and of course ,the ones that you would have given.
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astatine,
Well, okay, maybe. She *did* forget to specify “snark-free” for all but one of the questions. :)
-Neo
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Hey you missed out on the most important ones:
1. Write the 10 “tasks” you’d do if you had to live without your blog for 10 days
2. Write 10 thing you should have done but didn’t because of your last 10 blog posts
(Note: The numbers in these points are not binary)
:D
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Kiran,
You mean, questions like: “How will blogging resolve the slight wobble of the dining table ? Will a carpenter read it and decide to volunteer his services ?”
-Neo
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Your best post that I’ve read! Awesome stuff. Actually, I’d have found it hard to convince Mrs. of my marriage readiness if I’d been given this test. :)
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Tastemaster,
:) Most good “Mrs.” offer remedial courses. The key is in showing a willingness to learn. :P
-Neo
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*sigh looks like I will never get married :P
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vishesh,
Didn’t understand the “sigh” part.
-Neo
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Neo, You rock . :)
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Narsi, thanks :) :)
-Neo
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Hilarious, but rather alarming for the married menfolk!
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Gargi,
Married menfolk have more to worry about than flunking a test. :)
-N
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Have been a regular reader of your blog but reluctant to comment so far. Can we add
11 ) Do you believe in the concept of Life Insurance ?
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Hilarious. Liked the “how many members of your band” part…
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hehe…wonder if there are any tests when -you-first-reverse-the-gender… This one’s funny :)
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You are the best dude! LMAO!!
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Ritesh,
Thanks :) :)
-N
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This one had me laughing.
On a serious note I better make a copy of this one and keep in handy just in case I find Mr Right.
This post was awesomely hillarious!
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Priyanka,
If you find Mr. Right, throw away this test—that’s what Mrs. Neo did. :P
-Neo
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lol! i think this one is amazing!! :) :) i think they shud skip the whole profile page on matrimonial websites and put up the dudes’ answers to these qns instead – makes it easier for the gals to choose! :)
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Yamini,
I’d ask the dudes to post their own questions—questions reveal more about the asker than the answerer.
-Neo
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ha ha ha :) are you for real ?
hilarious stuff ! :D
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This stuff is extremely dangerous. You could die LAUGHING!
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Nice One….Wow…Lol the Best.
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Funny to read, except that girls would remain spinsters since most men would fail in the test!
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Nothing wrong with being a spinster. :D
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Payoshni, Sunil, atif: Thanks! :)
vaikuntam: No one will remain a spinster. Eventually they settle. Notice I didn’t say how many questions you have to get right in this test. :)
-Neo
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Wonder why single women are “spinsters” and single men are
just that – single! At the risk of sounding ultra-feminist,
“spinster” has a very derogatory ring to it. :)
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Accidentally came across your blog. This is hilarious!!!
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ROFL
loved it
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Hey
You DO understand people. And what’s more you DO attempt to understand us women. 3 cheers for that alone. :)))
That your prose is terse and humorous is another thing altogether. Kickass stuff. :D
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Thanks Sonal. Although I don’t have a choice; I have to “attempt to understand women.” :P
-N
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Humorous…but is actually quite sad.
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Greatly funny! Funnier to read you turn down suggestions for additions from so many.
Would also love to see one which Mrs. Neo would have to take.
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I can see clearly now. No haziness. No murkiness. No confusion. This questionnaire is an eye-opener. I am not ready for marriage!
(Until I acquire the ‘solution book’ for this quiz!)
PS: Hilarious as ever!
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Hats of to surviving married men, I’ll skip this test. Did I miss bachelors degree?
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Just came to know about your blogs, finding them very hilarious. Especially liked this one and the part in question #6.3(use additional sheets if necessary).
Good job Neo…now waiting for the answers desperately….:)))
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Good job neo..found it very hilarious..especiallyyour question # 6.3 (use additional sheets if necessary)….are you going to post the answers soon….??
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If followed, this post could single handedly bring down the population in india over the next bunch of years!
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I guess what we need now is a blog post from Mrs. Neo’s point of view. You know…what she would say if she could say it :)
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Dangerous.. the road you are treading on :P
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came across your blog post accidentally…quite hilarious.
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A counter-answer is in the pipeline, boys…. just you wait… Your sense of humour is in for a test
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