A beginner’s guide to understanding racism, intolerance and bigotry
by neo
Several years ago, during a party at his house in the US, Neo decided to have some fun. He convinced a couple of his white guests to hop on one foot, because that was a customary Indian way to thank the host for a great party. For once, Mrs. Neo found it funny too, except for the part where Neo overwrote 30% of Neo Jr’s “first birthday” mini DV tape to record the festivities.
What does this prank have to do with racism ? Probably not much, but that’s because Neo isn’t a True Expert on Racism. The True Experts on Racism are those who outrage whenever – these days it seems every week – a white American magazine columnist (yes, magazines – remember ?) writes anything unflattering about Indians in the US.
After last week’s outrage, Neo convinced a crack team of journalists to take time off from crack and interview the Experts to gain their views on racism, intolerance, bigotry, stereotyping, entitlement and ignorance.
Here are some excellent and exemplary excerpts from the experienced Experts:
- “I hate it when they stereotype Indians, as if we were all the same. These typical, beer-drinking, baseball-watching, stereotype-loving, cereal-eating, laid-off white people between the ages of 25-40 – all of them love to read brown-bashing articles. Bigots, all of them!” (This may or may not be from a famous – and famously modest - Indian blogger called “GreatBlogger.”)
- “It’s just because we are Indians. I mean, Indians are the most tolerant people on the planet. How dare anyone make fun of us, or suggest that we are somehow unwelcome? My blood is boiling with rage! I’m not advocating violence, or suggesting that anyone be fired, of course. But, …”
- “Americans seem unwilling to assimilate. It’s almost as if they cared about their own culture more than ours! Why do they complain about the changes we cause in their neighborhoods ? It’s ridiculous for anyone to cling to an obsolete culture that exists only in their nostalgic memories!”
- “You know, whenever I have to take the Holland tunnel to attend a desi concert, I start thinking about racial segregation.”
- “Why don’t white people seem to like me ? I’m so much like them! Hey, did you say neo’s-paper, or newspaper ? Is this some sort of a joke ?”
- “You see, as I keep telling my son, who is holding a very high post at Intel in the Bay Area for past several years, these Americans have no culture! Most ungracious people.”
- “Why should it be so hard to get a visa, and why are the rules so strict ? It’s almost as if the Americans have decided that they have the right to pick and choose who gets to immigrate to the U.S. That’s racist, right ?”
- “Indians have a history of being open to everyone. Even in my hometown of Pune, you will see these kalias, heh, I mean, Africans, roam around freely on their bikes. I don’t mind as long as they don’t try to force my kids into drugs.”
- “Write your blog post so that white Americans feel bad about the situation. Try to include some comparisons with Jewish people. Or at least Blacks.”
- “As a writer at SepoyBrown.com, my mantra is: Never attribute to stupidity that which can be adequately explained by racism.”
You knew there was going to be a quiz at the end of this, and here it is. Write a 1000-word article on why you think the white guy in the video below is being racist, although he does not appear to be between the ages of 25 and 40.
PS: The crack team of journalists also asked the Experts about persecution complexes. They replied, “That’s nonsense. I think you need to stop drinking the kool-aid!”. Every single Expert said that.
Priceless collection of quotes from the “experts”. I would have been laughing out loud except the hypocrisy and lack of irony by these experts makes me sad.
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riffraff,
It’s ok to laugh. In fact, it’s ironical not to. :)
-Neo
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I can understand the kind of extreme reaction the Stein’s write up has evoked. But, tell me seriously, did you find it funny? I can also understand Stein’s isolation with respect to his community, and he has every right to voice his concern, but I am not sure the way he chose to dress his argument was admirable by any standard. One of my prime grouse with his write up was that it was not funny. Not at all. By the time, I finished reading it, it looked as if the sole intention of the write up was to offend. As an Indian studying in US, I would surely agree with your 8th point. I study in a very well know university in the east coast and I totally agree it is we Indians who have a penchant for stereotyping and are one of the most racist people around. But, then that is a separate issue and that doesn’t mean that the Stein’s write up is not crass and in bad taste!
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I agree with you…The piece was humourless…Stein needs to open a dictionary and look at the meaning of ‘parody’…
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I didn’t think the article was either offensive or particularly funny (although, I did think ‘Guindians’ was… funny). I could completely understand his shock at seeing his childhood memories completely transformed into something alien. But then that’s just me.
@neoindian thoroughly enjoyed your post. Funny as ever!
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I found this whole episode – his article and the reaction to it extremely funny, but I’m guessing not in the sense you ask the question. :)
-Neo
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“it looked as if the sole intention of the write up was to offend”
did he take away your choice of not taking offence too? :p
Buddha: “If someone gives you a gift and you refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?”
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Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
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You’re just a Newly-Returned Indian-basher. Aren’t you between 25 and 40 ?
-N
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Are these real quotes?? I feel like saying that I can’t believe someone wrote these lines, but in the past few days I’ve had reason to hear lots of comments like these – but not against Americans…
It doesn’t matter who the actual groups or communities are. Racism is racism and it sounds and smells the same all over it world. It stinks.
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They’re real in the sense that we’ve all heard and read them. And +1 for the effort you’ve taken on your blog, although I think you give some people too much credit.. :)
-Neo
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Great post!
Indians are by far one of the most racist people. In my own class we had people who called ‘Tamilians’ as ;Idlis’; ‘Marathis’ as ‘Ghatis”, Sindhis as ‘Papads”, every Punjabi is a ‘Sardar”, while every Parsi is a ‘Bawa” and we are the ones to talk of racism:O
*no offense to anyone. The above is strictly based on personal observations
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Neo: Implement a “like” button fast please. If there were one here, I would have “like”-ed this comment already.
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Done.
-Neo
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Rayofsun:
The fact that you had to include a disclaimer says it all. :)
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Not to forget the ‘Chinkis’. That word stinks more than twenty Joel Stein articles put together.
Great post Neo. Though some diagrams and graphs would have helped. All ‘Beginner’s guides to….’ should have diagrams methinks.
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Shantanu,
I think I know the perfect person to make me some. :)
-Neo
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Dear Raysofsun,
Have you wondered inspite of your papad friend, your ghati dost, your bawa uncle, you never think beyond those words when you looks at them and talk to them. That my friend is the quality that we indians may appear as racist and behave like racist and yet not really be racist.
When I was in my engineering college, we have 40 friends and I dont even remember their real names, but the nick names continue to this day and trsut me anyone else hearing those nickname will certainly classify me as an RACIST.
P.S. I know people are going to attack me for my name, I have gone through many names throughout mylife, this is just something that my western frineds can easily pronounce.
Regards,
Rocky.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Yes, daddy_san is right…you are enjoing the high status of foriegn returned there, while we are suffering from so much racism here. I don’t understand what type of people these Americans are. I think their extreme politeness towards us is also a form of racism. I am sure while dealing with their own type they are rude like normal people.
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Giribala,
ROFL. Plus, I’m sure that granting green cards and citizenships to qualified Indian people is a sinister plot of some kind.
-Neo
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What about the comments Indians make about the “Asians” in the US? ….Or how the Sri Lankans act too smart with them…..And how some geniuses say “In our team there is one Chinese and one foriegner, the foriegner is OK but the Chinese is ..bah…” all this when living and working in the great US of A…
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astatine,
Oh yes. I think you’ve hit on the 11th and 12th points. :)
-Neo
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I am disappointed there is no comedy comments section in the zee news section. Sorry, I am outraged.
Meanwhile, I hope this comments section develops into that bastion of freedom and stupidity, er, intellectual stimulation.
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Divya,
Rabble-rouser. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your attempts on Twitter and Facebook. :P
But seriously, I am proud (there’s that word again) of the troll-free nature of my comments section. :)
-Neo
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The Experts are merely echoing Chief White Halfoat’s profound revelation from half a century ago: ‘Racial prejudice is a terrible thing, Yossarian. It really is. It’s a terrible thing to treat a decent, loyal Indian like a nigger, kike, wop or spic.’
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Icarus,
ROFL. ROFL.
-Neo
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Checked the “Greatblogger” for reply. Not yet, but it is coming any time now. You just wait (-;
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I’m not waiting. :P
-Neo
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Interesting blog post Neo! Offense is the best form of defense – Blaming others to cover up our own caste, creed, religion, sons-of-the soil etc., My late grandma was indecent but forthright: “Smell your backside before complaining about others’. ” [BTW, the guy in the video is making fun of yoga...racist!!!]
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Swami,
You’re the winner. I actually thought of that when I posted the video. There are a couple of other right answers, btw.
-Neo
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Neo:
I may, in passing, have mentioned a book called “Offence: The Hindu Case” to you. I read (and reviewed) it some months ago. It is a pretty comprehensive case for how and why Hindus started to adopt the monotheistic version of religion and adopting Talibanesque practices (didn’t someone write yesterday that Bangalore is run by Taliban? They want women to cover up, women to stay home after dark and cow slaughter to be banned. How come this 12th century view of women’s rights doesn’t offend any Indians??)
That aside, I think the Offence test is pretty simple: dish out what you can take. Also I think we are offended most by what we think secretly to be true but what we believe nobody knows about us. If a person is fat, everyone can see it; not a secret. But if someone has BO or halitosis, we all steer clear rather than bring it up to that person’s face, right? Because when we do, the person is, you guessed it, offended!
PS: I didn’t read the article. No time. I was more amused by the fact that someone still has time to read Time magazine these days!
PPS: I know a few Americans, who are from New Jersey and who spend an awful lot of effort to cover up the fact. I have always wondered why. Can you, Giribala or Daddy_San shed some light on this? TIA.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Q: How do you know the bride is ugly ?
A: Everyone says that she’s a “nice person.”
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Shefaly, no idea. I’m hearing this first time. :-)
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A brilliant post as usual Neo :) I read the article following the link on a blog recently, not sure what to make/think of it – but it did seem rather rude.
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IHM,
It didn’t register as anything when I read it. But I do remember thinking “uh oh, here we go again.”
-Neo
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“uh oh, here we go again” was exactly what I thought too. Does it really need more attention than that?
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Very True. No offences, but more than being racist its about being hypocrite. You must have observed a scene in Indian Homes, whenever a guest stands up from the sofa to leave the place, a voice comes from the kitchen ” Chai pee ke jayega gupta ji”. Kitchen Owner wants to save Chai pati and show the courtesy at the same moment. I don’t know may be for survival , the populous species on earth learn such traits.
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ROFL.
Or worse; call someone over at 12.30 pm and ask them “I guess you must have already had your lunch.”
-Neo
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When I was a lowly student in phoren lands, I used to call families up at Sunday 9AM, and announce that I’d like to see them at 12PM. This move succeeded almost every time I tried it; I kept getting invited for homely lunches on Sunday afternoons. The one time it didn’t work was when I miscalculated slightly; presumed the uncle in question was in town with his family, when in fact, he was all alone.
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Whattt ???
Visit any family in Punjab, you wont be allowed to leave the house unless theyve stuffed you sufficiently
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I totally agree with #8! Regarding Stein’s article(if that’s what inspired this), I didn’t think it was Time-worthy. It seemed more like a teenager ranting away on a blog.
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Mallika,
Agree.
-Neo
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THANK you!!!!! I for the life of me could not understand why anyone would find the article offensive!! But then, as I observed to a friend of mine, some people know just enough English to order off a McDonald’s menu but not enough to understand the subtlety of satire!!!
I am posting this on my FB wall.
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Roshni,
My order was always, “Number 3.” :)
-Neo
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I believe that it’s not so much racism you’re seeing as xenophobia, because historically we’ve treated all large immigrant influxes the same way. Did you know that Finns weren’t even allowed to become U.S. citizens until the 1920′s? We didn’t like the Irish (my forbears) because of their drinking and fighting. And Swedes were viewed as fit only to work as lumberjacks and miners.
Despite all the crappy things we do to newbies, though, we still let them come here. In 2010, the U.S. will host nearly 43MM immigrants (http://www.migrationinformation.org/datahub/charts/5.1.shtml).
Who else can say that?
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Jeanne,
I think the US immigration policy is governed by US self-interest, as it should be.
-Neo
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of course! But who else has that much sense?!!
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Neo,
Commenting after a long time…good to see you going strong as ever :)
Had to read the Joel Stein article after reading ur blog (sure you are increasing traffic to time.com!), and it did sound racist to me.
In the book “Outliers”, the author talks about a town near Pennsylvania populated almost exclusively by Italians (maybe decades ago), and that too Italians from a very specific part of Italy, in a completely different context of course.
Wonder if Joel Stein can find a friend from Penn., reminiscing about the lost town and the Italian crowd the same way he (Stein) did about Edison.
Sure, Indians are racist, doesn’t mean there aren’t any others (who are too).
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Joanne,
Well obviously I’m not as strong as ever, else you would comment more often. :)
-Neo
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Now you are fishin’, and greedy :)
Back to your blog and the article, we Indians are great at bashing self and others, if nothing else this article, blog and associated comments prove that!
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ummm…donno what to say…am a fan of the ‘greatblogger’ myself, and there are upteenth number of times that i forgo a few things that are written in a tirade of emotions as exactly that…Tirade of emotions !
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Payoshni,
Ok. :)
-Neo
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Stein’s article was ignorable/forgettable and would have languished on the last page of TIME. Now everyone who happens to be an Indian and on the internet has read it. Outrage is good publicity.
And we’re fine ones to talk. For a taste of racism try going to an Indian restaurant in the US with a group of white people and see how the waiters kowtow to them.
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I’m guessing it has more to do with the waiters’ opinions of “who tends to tip more” than racism ?
-Neo
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Eff that Neo. I’m a 25% percenter on a good day. And I’m lucky if the gaggle of Indian ladies at the counter condescend to fill my glass of water. My wife gets sterling service until I walk in. Coincidentally she is what they call a Caucasian.
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Ha. Awesome post as always Neo. :)
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Thanks :)
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Brilliant! Enjoyed reading every word and many of the comment. :) I did read the article but did not understand the over-reaction to it as also the facebook invites to groups against it! *rolls eyes*
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Facebook invites ? That would be comedy gold! *rushes to Facebook*
-Neo
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Well, a rejoinder by Mr. Parikh to Stein’s article was published here: http://edition.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/13/parikh.stein.rebuttal/index.html
All in all, we are all a bunch of racists, some more than the others, targets being different.
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theDesi,
From the article:
” .. you and your publication reminded me with no uncertainty that racism, ignorance and fear of new people are as American as apple pie and Time magazine.”
You can’t make this up!
-Neo
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Another one I’ve heard in the past 2-3 days:
Hinduism is the most tolerant religion. All other intolerant religions including Atheism must be wiped out!
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Heh.
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Neo, I recently started following your blog (Highly recommended by a dear friend) and I must tell you I am hooked to it.
Coming to the article.. my first reaction to Time’s apology was the things we as Indians can achieve by the mere pressure of population – right or wrong. Nice humor. Keep it going!
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Meera,
Yep. People throw around these numbers too, “You have outraged a billion people.” Would it less outrageous if it were merely a million ?
-Neo
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Not true…..about the numbers!
How about when someone offends the “minority”?
oooh-la-la….
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We should seriously use this a foreign-policy tool. Did you see how we brought a substantial portion of the Australian higher education industry to its knees with our “Australians are Racist” initiative. This desperate face saving op by Time magazine is another indication of our growing soft power. Next could be a calculated smear campaign about the Chinese? :-P.
It’s certainly better than invading other countries under pretensions of altruism and ‘concern for freedom’.
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In other news, “my blood is boiling with rage” is like, so last month. Now it is “my stomach is full of anger”. Rhetoric needs to keep up too, you know..
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I guess I am too late to comment . But what the heck . I read the article . I didn’t enjoy it . I did not enjoy it because it hurt my sentiments . And I demand the the Times publish an apology in Joe Stein’s blood !
Just kidding . :D Did I fool you ? Anyways, it did hurt to be honest because some or maybe even most of it is true. But the article evokes mixed feelings . It also makes you wonder about the myriad ways we discriminate against our own. Indians bashing Indians. Some times literally. But does that give us right to be offended about Joe Stein’s article ? Or does Joe Stein get the right to write what he feels ?
As they say, taali ek haath se nahi bajti . :)
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You know what? You suck. For pandering to racist, xenophobic, yankee wankstains. DIEEEEEEE, you phoren imported treacherous desi!
Oh okay, just kidding. :D
For what it’s worth, you just succeeded in stimulating a specific contraction of 17 facial muscles in a lanky, pimpled, hideously unattractive 19 year old desi , who’s currently sitting around with a MacBook in New Delhi, India, when he should be working on multivariable integral calculus. Kudos. :)
Back to calculus now, though. After all, we Indians have to maintain our “prodigiously smart” image. Harvard? Pooh pooh. IIT rules!!
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..and I thought I was the only one who found Steins article and the aftermath funny..
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