A quick overview of Indian values
by neo
Neo likes to believe that his NRI friends are eager to visit Neo because they love to listen to his “Thoughts on Critical Issues that Really Matter” speech, the same speech that Neo has prepared in case he gets invited to TED.
The reality is, they visit to see how much the Neos have progressed towards pulling off the greatest Indian parenting achievement – raising a child with the perfect blend of Indian values and Western achievement.
Neo Jr could very well become that child. But right now, the only thing perfectly blended in Neo Jr’s life is his favorite milkshake (strawberry/banana).
So out of a small sense of guilt and a large sense of needing something to do during the half-time of the soccer game, Neo decided to study Indian values. Here’s a quick overview of his several minutes of intensive study:
1. Respect your elders
Unlike other cultures that may or may not promote selling the body parts of elderly people, Indian culture emphasizes Respect for Elders. Elderly people will have typically sacrificed a lot of the stuff that would have made them happy just so that you can be happy. And hence, you must now sacrifice most of what would make you happy in order to make them happy. This sort of circular ponzi logic might not make any sense to you, but don’t worry – when you become Elderly, it won’t make any sense to your kids either.
2. Focus on education
Having a strong educational background will make you a thoughtful, knowledgeable and articulate person; these attributes will enable you to clearly express your outrage when you realize that uneducated people have amassed egregious amounts of wealth and power while you have been busy amassing an egregious amount of educational debt.
3. Be family-oriented
Families are a critical Indian value, and you must study them in great detail: mostly by asking probing questions whenever you meet people with families. After intensive study, you will realize that many Indian families are actually severely dysfunctional, and you will naturally decide that you want to put off starting your own family for as long as possible. Once you decide this, you should start a family immediately, because it makes Elderly people happy.
4. Trust in the institution of marriage
As far as possible, get an arranged marriage. The main advantage of an arranged marriage is that a marriage that starts with near-zero love can only get better. If your marriage doesn’t get better over time, you should be ashamed because you really need to stop thinking about yourself and focus on your kids now.
5. Sacrifice
Life offers you a series of choices. The Indian Value of sacrifice helps you to make the right choices, so you feel you did everything you could when you finally realize that for the most important things in life, you really had no choice.
There are two steps to sacrificing:
1. Acquire something of value – this step is sort of important because otherwise you would have nothing to sacrifice.
2. Perform the sacrifice – sacrifice something of smaller value to acquire something higher in value. (Note that other cultures may refer to this as Profit.)
Important: Make sure that in your eagerness to sacrifice, you do not sacrifice your Indian values.
6. Additional value for women: Avoid, at all costs, getting pregnant before marriage; after marriage, get pregnant as soon as possible.
Armed with this knowledge, Neo decided he would start inculcating these values in Neo Jr immediately. The first step would be to just memorize the list: “Respect”, “Education”, “Family”, etc. But just as he was getting started, Mrs. Neo violated pretty much every Indian value on the list: she picked up Neo Jr and said, “Don’t listen to your dad. Finish your milkshake and go to bed.”
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Outrage is also an Indian value.
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Uh oh. Here we go again. :P
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Haha. Awesome. Especially liked the bit where educated people get to express outrage at the money amassed by the illiterate ones. :)
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At the last minute, I erased several Indian Values that I had added. One of them was “Buy real estate with the money your parents had saved for your education”. :)
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If real Indian values were properly inculcated, things would be very different, Mr Neo. For instance, consider the following.
1. Indians do not have educational debt because their sacrificing parents would have paid for all their education – in hard cash;
2. Indians do not have educational debt because they are super-smart, you know, like all Indians are, and have scholarships to see them through to the end of their education;
3. If someone is not super-smart that explains why he is not amassing any wealth in which case, the appropriate Indian value is to laugh at him and to remind him that it was his previous birth’s misdemeanours that made him stupid;
4. Properly, really family-oriented people know that marriages are easy to arrange because the whole family looks in their social circle to find suitable matches (preferably in families with money, servants and a dearth of heart disease) and that expensive weddings are all financed by tons of relatives in the extended family turning up with gifts, but preferably cash, which the newly wed couple can invest in a fund (or hell, stick under a mattress) to finance the life of their child who will arrive 9 months later so they do NOT have to sacrifice.
You get the drift, right. The main Indian value is to ensure that every next generation has more and achieves more than the previous one. Sacrifices become progressively smaller, then unnecessary until life comes full circle and one useless child (who can be born in an arranged marriage or a “love marriage”) comes around who spends all accumulated wealth in one go. Then the circle of life starts again.
By the way, you really must read Mother Pious Lady.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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By reading your comment, I have violated one of my Prime Rules of performing research on complex issues such as Indian values – “Read quick overviews and eschew insightful commentary”. :)
-N
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:) I like the way you present your ideas without becoming or avoid becoming preachy. The complications, paradoxes and contradictions are highlighted even looked at with peculiar eyes but neither trivialized nor offered a solution.
Brilliant stuff, keep it up
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Thanks! :)
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You know something, Mrs. Neo took Jr Neo away to drink milkshake and go to bed this time. The next time you try Jr. Neo might walk away on his own! ;) Hilarious analysis/overview of Indian values…. absolutely true too.
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Shail,
When he was 4, I made the mistake of telling him, “Don’t take anything too seriously.” That’s the *one* time he listened to me. :)
-N
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Indian values….if women don’t know how to cook in India, they have no values at all……….don’t forget that!!!
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True. :)
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Lol! The educational debt part rings so true! As usual, love your posts :)
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Hyacie, thanks :)
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The art of exageration I believe is a core Indian value.
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You say exaggeration, I say flair. :)
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Excellent piece on how indian values are actually put in practice. Respect for superstitions/sentiments/astrology et al. is also highly expected of us.
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You don’t actually have to have any respect, you just have to show respect. :)
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Brilliant!
I think the ‘corest’ Indian value is cowardice – some people also call it peace…We let our neighbours attack us, destroy us, but since we are a peaceful people, we do not retaliate…We only engage in endless ‘talks’…
Oh, there’s another one…We Indians put a lot of value on what people around us think and say…Our identity and perception of self-worth are dependent on that…We will let our daughters get beaten up or burnt by their in-laws, but will not take them back because of what people might think…
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Sraboney: Yes, perception is more important than reality. :-|
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Another Indian value, or norm, would be:
Step 1: leaving the country as soon as you can for a job in Phoren land.
Step 2: flying in for a week to get married to a *pure* Indian girl with values.
Step 3: Make a couple of kids (with green cards)
Step 4: Come back to India to raise them amidst Indian values (this is considered a sacrifice in many parts. “He came back for his kids, What a man!”
Step 5: Kids -> go to Step 1
Totally agree with sands, A woman can have a Phd in astrophysics , but if she can’t cook, she isn’t Indian.
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Ritesh,
True. This whole notion of praising the “Indian woman” and making her into a superhuman demi-goddess is actually a thinly veiled attempt to place unfair and unreasonable expectations on her.
-N
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“A woman can have a Phd in astrophysics , but if she can’t cook, she isn’t Indian”
*sigh*…..this is me!!
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I agree with the last note; Women are ill-treated in India. We are a largely chauvinistic society so much so that even mothers get on the nerves of their daughters to make sure they ‘respect their husband and father-in-law and etc etc’. That has to change. Period.
The rest of it … a little over the top according to me :) (just expressing an opinion people please no pitchforks!)
There’s no harm in people leading such lives by their own choice. A nation of a billion+ strong is bound to function differently than others. Of course if your point is that these things shouldn’t be indoctrinated into children then I would have to change my view :)
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Sagar,
You must be new here. There is no point to most of my posts. :)
-Neo
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Sagar, please refer to Neo’s own doctrine: “Don’t take anything too seriously.”
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Peace! \m/
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Loved the ponzi thing you wrote about. Sacrifice is really overdone in the Indian context
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Phoenixritu,
I’ve always had the belief that if you sacrifice something with the hidden expectation of anything in return (even if it’s just praise or respect), it’s not really a sacrifice.
-N
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I agree Neo.
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ROFL!
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Now if my dad had tried teaching me all that during a soccer game and when I got a milkshake, I’m sure I would have scampered to safety to allow my brains to retain the grey matter that the Bong child should be having :P
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Sumit,
I wonder though – what’s so wrong with it ? Sit kids down and have an explicit lecture about “Indian values.” I’d have preferred that to having to figure it out from all the hints and pouting from my elders. :)
-Neo
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Not sure if I’ve ever commented here before, but wanted to say that much enjoy all your posts. And oh – ‘taking offence’ – that’s another important Indian value.
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Apu,
Taking offence. I also love phrases like “Don’t feel bad, but … ” – as if asking someone to not feel bad will help.
-Neo
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Good read. http://neoindian.org/2010/06/16/a-quick-overview-of-indian-values/
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On the sixth value my views are that “avoiding getting pregnant” is kind of a sacrifice, but it is good to mention it for clarity.
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Lalit,
LOL. Yes, true. :)
-Neo
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Ha ha..hilarious as usual!!!!
Well you forgot the most important value, Hypocrisy.
We’re masters at it. Dont forget.
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Hi n,
That is a Human Value I think. :)
-Neo
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you know there is a coin in Indian value. It has two sides. One side is for Engineers and other side is for Doctors. So, in +1, +2 (PUC) People choose Biology so they can choose either side of the coin!
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Dinesh,
ROFL. Yes, the only thing of “Value” in a student is if he gets into Medicine or Engineering. :)
-Neo
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So true..
But how many of us ever tell any of younger cousins/friends to choose their field/ to figure out what they like???
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The Corest value of all Indian values is -> Get out of the contry as soon as possible – By hook or crook or both.
1. Respect Elders – Tickets. Visas. Money you need no?
2. Education – Of course.
3. Family oriented – That Uncle will sponsor you.
4. Marriage – Marry a nurse in Ireland (You have to be a Mallu)
5. Sacrifice – Sacrifice everything you earned while growing up
So get out of the country and you are ‘saved’. No kidding, almost everyday I meet people who ask – Why dont you try to go abroad?
Awesome read as ususal. Love your posts!
Vadakkus
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vadakkus,
LOL. I think you’re on to something. A core Indian value is:
Do exactly as you wish, just make sure to tell the story to other people using Indian values, e.g. “I did it for the children.”, or “My success is the blessing of my Elders” etc.
-N
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Mrs. Neo Indian is a wise lady :)
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Yuvika,
Yes, she is. And all my attempts to reform her have failed. :P
-Neo
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I think the corest Indian value is tolerance for others. Remember “Unity in Diversity”??
Of course, this tolerance will hold as long as the “other person” is of the same demographic sub-micro-drill-down classification as oneself. After all, it is a great sagely value to be acceptable (or tolerant) of a person who belongs to the same religion, caste and sub-caste as myself, speaks the same language, dialect and variation as I do, whose hometown is within walking distance of mine and whose views (political, philosophical or general) tally with mine.
Is it not now?
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Kiran – aren’t you proud of being a tolerant Indian ? :)
-Neo
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the only Indian value that is most disconcerting to me is the that we confuse information with knowledge; knowledgeable with intelligence. That I feel is the hallmark of most fellow ‘culturally tuned’ Indians.
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Given that this is the 24th comment on this blog post, and that this is the 18th of June, I’m inclined to agree with you.
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Love it!
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Thanks :)
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What about brushing his teeth ?
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Yes,
I have decided that I won’t educate my children, if they come somehow in this world, beyond standard tenth. After that, put them in business, put them on a galla, anything, but formal education.
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PS,
But then they will be unable to write long blog posts about easy solutions to global issues!! :)
-Neo
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“Make sure that in your eagerness to sacrifice, you do not sacrifice your Indian values”
ROFL:)…Keep it up.
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RK,
Thanks :)
-Neo
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neo,
totally unrelated , but have you read this :
http://www.livemint.com/2010/06/11211917/Breaking-news-I-may-not-be-an.html?h=B
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Payoshni,
I did, but I’m curious: what did you think of it ?
-Neo
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Neo,
it put me in a lot of thought..
there are some pointers which are true, as in true that they happen while they should not, but is it a measure for anybody’s nationality, is something am not sure of.
largely, it looks like one of those arundhati roy’s writings, which say ‘ulta-pulta’ things, ride against the current ONLY to garner attention (which ms.ramanni definately has managed to do ! )
also, i believe that just becoz you have lived abroad, in a country with better infrastructure/governance, gives you a right to run around beating your chest in disgust at the state of India.We are all in this together !
your perspective, as somebody who has being there, done that and now back ? :)
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Focus on education? That should explain the number of illiterates in India.
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We *are* highly focussed on education. We just aren’t educated yet.
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Nothing to add. Just loved it and now tweeting it.
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Thanks IHM. :)
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Stumbled here thru IHM’s google buzz ..
Love the way you have used subtle satire… :)
One thing you have forgotten.. The showing off. Achieving is not enough. We have to show it off :)
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Good point, although showing off can be found in most human cultures. And peacocks. :)
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And why do we forget the core Indian value of being proud of our past and letting the present go to dogs…
“Ohh I am from the linage of Raja so-and-so. In our kingdom all men had equal status but now I am bribing a govt officer to get OBC certificate to get a job in govt service so I can take bribes myself”.
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mukta,
And, “in my spare time I am a rediff commentor.” :)
-N
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LOL, you are really make me rethink about my R2I I am planning soon.
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Charu,
I know exactly how you feel. If it helps, remember that thinking about R2I doesn’t have to end with the R2I. What do you think I do when I’m stuck in traffic ? :)
-Neo
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A quick overview of Indian values – http://neoindian.org/2010/06/16/a-quick-overview-of-indian-values/
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ROFL I wish to show this to my grandpa! I think he’ll praise u and not get the sarcasm. Try growing up in a conservative sindhi family in malad and then come to USA these values will come apneap :-)
I was waiting for the litterateuse (ctrl-C-ctrl-Ved spelling frm yr sidebar ;)) to comment on this Im sure she will have some wisecrack take on it and ull have a smartass reply. Just hopped frm her blog discovered u both from krishashok’s blogroll some months back. Keep em coming.
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Don’t forget Matha Pitha Guru Daivam!
Enough to keep you occupied with all those Indian values.
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http://neoindian.org/2010/06/16/a-quick-overview-of-indian-values/
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” After intensive study, you will realize that many Indian families are actually severely dysfunctional, and you will naturally decide that you want to put off starting your own family for as long as possible. Once you decide this, you should start a family immediately, because it makes Elderly people happy.”
I think I’ve found a new guru. *kow tows*
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*kow tows* too.
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what a delightful read! you are the absolute master of wit :)
although i do think, Mrs. Neo did a quicker job of getting a crash course in values across to Jr. Neo ;)
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Stumbling on to your blog has made my day.
Don’t forget to teach Neo Jr the correct way to be offended when The Great Indian Values are attacked. The correct response to all such attacks is to right long angry letters to media outlets of choice. (Blogging counts.)
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[...] a result of the comments in my previous post. In this post, I am going to take a piece out of this great post, just to point how our morality is defined by the so-called [...]
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Don’t forget the other Indian value of ensuring that we raise our daughters to be ideal Bharatiya Naris. In middle-class Indian parlance it means someone who works at a high-powered job by day and magically transforms herself into a dutiful daughter-in-law/wife/mother at night. She never complains, always cooks and defers to her husband and in-laws on all matters and smiles even as she pops a fistful of anti-depressants. Like Sita, the Bharatiya Nari would rather commit suicide than leave an unfulfilling marriage.
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Brilliant post! Enough said.
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Here is one.
I used to part of the upper tyrannical caste.. now, I work for Outlook/The Hindu and TOIlet as a “secularist” P ing on the Hindutvadies for their castist attitude however, in my own family we are of the purest caste.
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[...] thing about us Indians is that we pride ourselves on our superior ‘Indian values’; we lose no chance to deride Western societies for their (alleged) lack of affection, ‘family [...]
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http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Annoying-Desi-isms/170816252989182
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LOL!! Did not think about the sacrifice part.
I thought leaving India was a sacrifice enough! :(
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