20 signs that you’ve successfully made the transition to living in India
by neo
How long can Neo call himself a “newly returned Indian” ? It’s been almost three years since he moved to India. But – as Neo said recently to one of his engineers who was denied a promotion – it’s not how long you’ve been doing it, but how well you’ve done it that counts. (Also, it helps if you ask for a promotion when the company is profitable.)
So have you earned your promotion from “Newly Returned Indian” to “Natively Resident Indian” ? Here are 20 signs that you’ve successfully made the transition to living in India:
1. You stop getting out of the car at gas stations petrol pumps.
2. You drive next to a BMW 7-series and don’t notice it. Or you didn’t, until your driver gave you a condescending glance.
3. This year’s Diwali holidays won’t catch you by surprise.
4. You stop walking around the office with a coffee mug in your hand.
5. You wear a sweater in “winter”.
6. You stop asking other drivers for their insurance whenever they bump into your car.
7. You’re ok with paying $20,000 for a crappy, cramped car that takes 30 minutes to go from 0-60.
8. You think it’s perfectly natural for English movies to have English subtitles on HBO India.
9. Someone gets fired if it’s 8pm and there isn’t a 4-course meal on the dinner table.
10. You know the best parking spots are determined by shade from the sun and not by distance. Also, you’ve learned to hold the steering wheel using just your pinky finger.
11. The sound of the maid breaking a wine glass does not bother you because you had the foresight to buy a set of 13 wine glasses.
12. You host your kid’s birthday party at McDonald’s.
13. When there’s a cricket game on, you just turn on the TV instead of reloading cricinfo.com every 10 seconds.
14. You and your spouse are experts in using “missed calls” to communicate. (1 ring = “on my way home”, 2 rings == “running late”, 3 rings == “just pick up the phone you cheapskate!”, …)
15. You stop hauling around your own luggage around at airports and train stations.
16. Your cell phone has a custom ringtone and caller tune. Also, you stop asking for cell phone numbers and start asking for “mobile”, as in “what’s your mobile?”
17. You barely remember what voicemail is.
18. You stop noticing homeless people.
19. When calling customer service, you confidently announce your name as “Gajanand Shrivatsav” without automatically spelling it out like “G as in Government, A as in Apple …”
20. You stop smiling at strangers in the elevator.
(Don’t feel bad if you’re not doing as well as you thought. Neo is right there behind you.)
Here’s your moment of zen:
Hey Neo,
Nice write up. Keep it coming.
About #20. Last time I visited, I tried something new. When I was in an elevator or in a place where I would have some extended eye-contact with other people, I would freak them out and say “Hi, my name is D, How are you today ..” & just stretch my hand as if to shake their hand.
Many did shake hands with a nervous laugh that sounded more like “huh uh!”. I noticed that some especially those in suits give you the “don’t you notice, you are in the presence of higher intelligence” look and they immediately throw on a fake villanish face & turn away. A lot of people do smile and exchange a few words.
“It’s a beautiful day today”, or “The weather is perfect today” always evoked looks of bewilderment.
D
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Hi Deepak,
You’re a braver man than I, and that’s the only way to change things. I can’t even get the courage to smile at the checkout guy at the grocery store. :-(
-Neo
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I don’t think I’m ready. Not with #7 in that list :P
And um…why do you have to be in India for #8 or #10? No, I’d never do that here; a friend wanted to know :-|
gauri
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Gauri – you only have a problem with #7 ? Are you admitting taking your kids to McDonalds on their birthdays ? Shame on you :P
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Awww you’re kind! For a minute I thought you’d call me out on how I confidently announce my name as “Gajanand Shrivatsav” to customer service :P
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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I cracked up on this one….
13. When there’s a cricket game on, you just turn on the TV instead of reloading cricinfo.com every 10 seconds
True… I started doing those things when i moved to OZ…
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You know, I had this intermediate stage where I found the stupid cricinfo.com text commentary easier to understand than the TV! :-|
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Omg..this is spot on…fab!
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Thanks! :)
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Exceptional post. I can relate to almost every point on the list and especially #13. I do have to admit that refreshing cricinfo while keep up the appearance of being hard at work is uplifting.
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Sometimes the only thing that’s “refreshing” on my computer is cricinfo. :P
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LOL at the coffee mug (#4)
#7: OMG .. you paid 9 Lakhs for a crappy cramped car? which one? Dont tell me its a Honda City!
An extension to #10: Your visits to malls/movies/shopping/relatives/kids’ schools are all determined by the proximity of the place to free parking spots :)
And hey #17; … what’s “voicemail”? Is it something that you Amreekan Desis imported from Pandora? :D :P
#19: HAHAHA .. believe me .. even Indians born and brought up in India have to deal with this .. especially techies who have long names and have to interact with US/European colleagues. Imagine having a name like Vasudev Lakshminarasimhan :D [no offence]
BTW #20 shd have been “You start talking loudly on your cellphone in the elevator; trying to impress your *status* upon everyone present in it”
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Kiran,
I thought I was being smart by asking my parents to buy a car for me before I landed in India. Had I known I’m going to end up paying $20,000 for a car for no interiors, no exteriors and certainly no engine, I’d rather have bought myself a nice motorbike.
Yes, it’s a Honda City. Stop laughing. :P
-Neo
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Your $ fetches you Rs 25 or so, something wrong with your moneychanger.
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ROFL
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:)
btw your photos are just AMAZING.
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Hey,
Just saw this. Thanks a lot.
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Spot on!
So will the Neo family be known henceforth as the Native family?
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Never mind,
More like the Nay-tive family. :-)
-Neo
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Neo,
I am a big fan ……..dont stop writing no matter how many years you spend in India.
About the promotion …….you hit a wrong note for most of us because we are usually the ones asking for a promotion :o). The question of ‘how well you worked’ is subjective and therefore, very well exploited by managers to promote their favorite yes-man (or woman as the case may be).
The fact is that bosses build empires that push them upwards. No one really cares ‘how well’ you performed for the company, the promotion usually depends on how well you performed for the guy who will decide on your promotion. These are almost alway two separate ‘customers’, unless you report directly to the owner of the company.
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Hi K,
Thanks – at times I feel like I’ll never be able to write another blog post – but comments like yours help me to keep going. Just remember my wife is blaming you for all the times I chose to write instead of watching “Sleepless in Seattle” for the 9th time with her. :P
You’re so right about corporate culture of course. You know, I’ve realized that the best way to get a real promotion is to just switch jobs. All the people around me who’ve made quantum leaps in their careers have done so by moving companies, not by sucking up to their bosses to get promoted from “Somewhat Senior Manager” to “Slightly more Senior Manager”. :)
-N
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Its either the favorite yes-man or the favorite “yes ! yes !”-woman who gets promoted first :)
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But…. you just can’t part with Jon Stewart! (moment of zen ;-)
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Jennifer,
Yes – you know, leaving the US gives you a whole new perspective on what you really loved there. So, Costco – not so much. Jon Stewart – still can’t live without. Also, Lost and Battlestar Galactica. :)
-N
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Neo
Where do you catch Stewart from India? :). [Do you run a proxy server to watch hulu et al?]
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The daily show website. Usually it works even in india, or else VPN.
http://www.thedailyshow.com/full-episodes/mon-january-25-2010-bill-gates
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Yeah, work VPN. Damn, should set one up before I leave ;).
This is a good resource for those who are interested:
http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/10/05/internet-anonymizer-web-surf-vpn-hulu-pandora-spotify/
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I am in India on vacation and I miss my daily dose of Jon Stewart and Colbert. Love his captions!!!!!
Hey if you liked LOST, give Firefly a chance. I love LOST and then I watched Firefly and I was smitten that I watched it again and again and…..
Excellent blog .. btw.
I lurk, but the mention of Stewart made me post a comment….
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Good one!!!
Curious Q though.
How do u settle on a topic?, after finding the moment of Zen video or you find video for what you have written ?
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Hi Khan,
You’ll have to buy my book to find that out. :-P
(Actually, the idea for this post came to me while watching a friend drive while holding the steering wheel with just 3 fingers.)
-Neo
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Great post! #14 on missed calls struck a chord (or rather a particularly resonant chord) – can’t remember the last time I heard that familiar phrase – “tujhe ek missed call detha hoon”. I would’ve thought that cheap txting may have taken away that old-world charm of missed-calling – gladly that doesn’t seem to be the case.
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Niranjan,
I think the reason for the mysterious persistence of missed calls is explained by spam – my text inbox is usually overflowing with spam, forwarded jokes, bill reminders etc. My missed call list is relatively sparse and I’m more likely to notice it.
-Neo
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Yes it is perfectly natural for english movies to have english subtitles, since subtitles are meant for deaf people. Ofcourse subtitles help overcome difficulties with accent also.
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Ham Actor – good point!
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Neo: Seriously? You do not look at a BMW 7 Series at a traffic light?
But living in Bangalore, you need to pass this final test to claim having completed the transition. How do you pronounce “Lavelle Road”? Now, now don’t cheat by asking around. If you don’t know already, consider it ‘an area of improvement’.
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ha ha ha lol. that comment on wearing sweaters over winter.. well what if you’ve moved back to India from a place hotter, then you end up carrying a sweater everywhere you go.
Plus the comment with the elevator, very honestly, try being a girl in that situation. I swear, more men think I’m hitting on them as opposed to me being just friendly. The women assume, I have no friends because I’m the weird girl from the second floor everyone keeps talking about :(
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Big laugh at #17 on this list: 20 signs that you’ve successfully made the transition to living in India http://bit.ly/8S6MDs @neo_indian
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RT @delhistruggle Big laugh at #17: 20 signs that you’ve successfully made the transition 2 living in India http://bit.ly/8S6MDs @neo_indian
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My fav wud be 14.We hav so done dat in collge!RT @delhistruggle 20 signs that you’ve made d transition 2 livin in India http://bit.ly/8S6MDs
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Hilarious! 20 signs that you’ve successfully made the transition to living in India: http://bit.ly/8S6MDs via @neo_indian @delhistruggle
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[...] Neo returned to India 3 years back. He discovers that he has transitioned to living-in-India state. He has his own list to prove this. [...]
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@ConallDempsey If you don’t want to look like an FOB, see this: http://bit.ly/8S6MDs From @neo_Indian who has so far avoided meeting me :-)
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Haha!:) #20 could totally project a wrong message especially if done towards a stranger of the opposite sex.
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Mallika,
I usually just bow really low and do namaste to people of the opposite sex. :P
-Neo
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[...] here’s twenty bonus jokes from neoIndian’s 20 signs that you’ve successfully made the transition to living in India; we get every single one of them! What’s with the English subtitles on HBO [...]
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If the people you smile at aren’t smiling back at you, you’re living in the wrong place. Zimble.
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@kalibilli
True dat, my friend.
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almost 3 yrs since I came back to India and I still managed only 25% on the @neo_indian test :( http://bit.ly/8S6MDs
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Hilarious, awesome post, Neo !!
btw, I totally understand your wife’s need to watch Sleepless… for the ninth time, and my husband extends his sympathies to you.
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Joanne,
With all due respects to your husband, I’d rather have 2 hours of my life back rather than his sympathies. :-P
-Neo
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Ah, if wishes were horses……but since they are not, and you are not (you know what :), you’ll have to make do….
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Great list – you made my day!
Here’s my addition and my pet-peeve while driving in India:
- Reversing into and out of a parking lot (and driving in reverse): You stop worrying about running into the damn whistle-blowing morons blocking your way and let them guide you into/out-of the parking spot in 5 minutes, instead of the 5 seconds that you would take on your own!
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Guess you are not 100%there yet. There are no cricket “games”, only cricket matches.
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AmericanDesi,
Great catch! I still think of a match as something to light up the tortoise mosquito coil with, when there’s no power and the UPS runs out. :-)
-Neo
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Hilarious. You missed a few-
#21 You stop talking with an accent.
It’s surprising how many people take on ‘the’ accent in just a year or less and then sound really funny.
#22 You wipe out that perpetual desi smile (+ looking nowhere in particular) that you adorn wherever you go (specially to team lunches) and start to look bored.
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Dara,
You know, I’ve not been able to put a finger on it – but many Indians who’ve never left the country seem to have picked up some sort of accent. Especially in Bangalore. Maybe its a Kannada accent that I’m mistaking for a foreign accent, but I can hear the R’s rolling and the [k] sounds.
About #22 – Yeah! I wonder how I missed that. I still have a silly grin on my face – no wonder I’ve been told by “upper management” that they can’t promote me because I don’t “behave” like a senior manager – apparently working my ass off and gaining the respect of my peers is not enough. I have to look bored.
-Neo
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How about: you stop being the only one wearing half-pants, not shorts/bermudas, when invited by your parent’s family friend for dinner?
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Kaustubh: Heh. Good point. Although I prefer my list to include things that are easy for me to do. :)
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Kudos Neo,
You sure are witty! Maan!
I enjoyed this post in particular because i came to India on this 6th after say 3 years. After reading your post, i could not stop smiling at these things as an when i noticed and relived them in daily life.
Lemme add another one # You stop noticing that there are lanes on the a 6 lane road
I equally enjoy your Tweets…
B.
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Lots of great suggestions since I last commented. I just HAVE to add one of my own :)
# You think of TN as Tamil Nadu and not Tennessee.
…although both have similarities which I will not elaborate on out of sensitivity for the emotions of residents (of either!)
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1 more expat blog & here’s his “20 signs to tell you you’ve successfully made the transition to India” http://tinyurl.com/ygfwhy8
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Neo,
I was doing some research on moving back to India and bumped into your blog.
Loved this post as i could relate to it the other way. I came to US 4 yrs back so when a stranger used to smile at me in the elevator it use to freak me out. And having no special ringtone use to sound boring, and i could never explain my husband the concept of missed calls………
Now i am one of them, I smile or greet ppl in the elevator, and my cell phone is mostly on vibrate in public places.
Snehal.
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haha.. good one..i could check most of the points you mentioned. i guess i have been successful in my transition..
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Hysterical and so spot on. Visiting from desiderata’s blog … will be back for more, I’m sure!
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Awesome post :)
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gosh!! kind of reminds me of things I would have to do/rather get adjusted to when I’m back.
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You still have some way to go. There are no cricket games, only cricket matches.
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How about “When you want to cross the road, you just cross it instead of waiting for the traffic to stop”?
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Re: #13. cricinfo has its benefits though. See http://www.espncricinfo.com/page2/content/story/514172.html
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Seriously funny :)
Here #21- You start saying ‘zed’ as opposed to ‘zee’
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Makes one cry about coming back dont it? lol
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hey Neo. Did you stop writing? Haven’t seen any new blogs from you. Unless….you didn’t move back, did you? :).
lrao
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