20 signs that you’ve successfully made the transition to living in India

by neo

How long can Neo call himself a “newly returned Indian” ? It’s been almost three years since he moved to India. But – as Neo said recently to one of his engineers who was denied a promotion – it’s not how long you’ve been doing it, but how well you’ve done it that counts. (Also, it helps if you ask for a promotion when the company is profitable.)

So have you earned your promotion from “Newly Returned Indian” to “Natively Resident Indian” ? Here are 20 signs that you’ve successfully made the transition to living in India:

1. You stop getting out of the car at gas stations petrol pumps.

2. You drive next to a BMW 7-series and don’t notice it. Or you didn’t, until your driver gave you a condescending glance.

3. This year’s Diwali holidays won’t catch you by surprise.

4. You stop walking around the office with a coffee mug in your hand.

5. You wear a sweater in “winter”.

6. You stop asking other drivers for their insurance whenever they bump into your car.

7. You’re ok with paying $20,000 for a crappy, cramped car that takes 30 minutes to go from 0-60.

8. You think it’s perfectly natural for English movies to have English subtitles on HBO India.

9. Someone gets fired if it’s 8pm and there isn’t a 4-course meal on the dinner table.

10. You know the best parking spots are determined by shade from the sun and not by distance. Also, you’ve learned to hold the steering wheel using just your pinky finger.

11. The sound of the maid breaking a wine glass does not bother you because you had the foresight to buy a set of 13 wine glasses.

12. You host your kid’s birthday party at McDonald’s.

13. When there’s a cricket game on, you just turn on the TV instead of  reloading cricinfo.com every 10 seconds.

14. You and your spouse are experts in using “missed calls” to communicate. (1 ring = “on my way home”, 2 rings == “running late”, 3 rings == “just pick up the phone you cheapskate!”, …)

15. You stop hauling around your own luggage around at airports and train stations.

16. Your cell phone has a custom ringtone and caller tune. Also, you stop asking for cell phone numbers and start asking for “mobile”, as in “what’s your mobile?”

17. You barely remember what voicemail is.

18. You stop noticing homeless people.

19. When calling customer service, you confidently announce your name as “Gajanand Shrivatsav” without automatically spelling it out like “G as in Government, A as in Apple …”

20. You stop smiling at strangers in the elevator.

(Don’t feel bad if you’re not doing as well as you thought. Neo is right there behind you.)

Here’s your moment of zen:

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