3 tips to help you connect with youngsters in India

“Premal Uncle is a f*ng jerk. Why did you stay with him every time you visited Mumbai ? Everyone thought you were a jerk too! And come on man, what’s up with the khaki shorts all the time? You really think it’s too f*ng warm to wear jeans like the rest of us ?”.

Yes, it took a year after Neo’s move to India before his younger cousins began telling him how they really felt. And the more they used the F-word, the more he realized he was getting into a real friendship.

Neo’s young cousins are not just fun to hang out with – they’re smart, soon-to-be-successful people – and forming close friendships with them has been one of the joys of Neo’s life in India (and his only refuge at any family event).

(Speaking of joys, here’s one of Neo’s other big joys in life – his maid getting him the “perfect breakfast” – “keggs organic” single-egg omelet sunny-side-up but flipped over once so it’s not “runny”, with no salt but a sprinkling of pepper, 2 brown bread slices toasted lightly, freshly made non-fat lassi with the cream/froth removed and with a pinch of sugar substitute, seasonal fruits cut into neat cubes so its easy to eat, 2 GNC Mega-Men’s multi-vitamins, the “Economic Times” newspaper. Filter coffee an hour later on holidays.)

So anyhow, if you are “old” like Neo (yes, being 34 in India feels like being 46 in the US), the first step to connecting with the youth in India is to figure out what they want from their relationships with older people.

So here’s just a few things that Neo has learned along the way:

1. Be descriptive, not prescriptive: Youngsters vastly prefer older people to be descriptive (i.e. help them understand what is happening in the complex world around them) rather than being prescriptive (i.e. telling them what they ought to do, most of which they already know).

So, descriptions like:

“When he was in college, Neo started playing in a band on Saturday nights instead of just sitting around drinking with his dumb friends. Literally, you just hold 2 sticks in your hand and sit at a drum kit and wait for the women to show up. And then one day it’s like hello, Mrs. Neo!”.

are more likely to work, unlike prescriptions like:

“Stop drinking away your parents’ hard-earned money! You want to get thrown out of college ? Yes, Steve Jobs was a college dropout but so is the watchman at your house! So get a little serious in life!”

2. Stop freaking out: It also helps if you show you can stay calm, be an adult and treat youngsters like the adults they are.

For instance:

“I can see how your new boyfriend is totally hot. I just wish he wasn’t 12 years older to you. Why don’t you take a few more months to decide before you move in with him ? And give your parents some time to adjust to the new reality.”

works much better than something Cousin Preeti might say:

“OMG you’re gay!! I thought you liked that Sindhi neighbor’s daughter! Is this why our great-grandfather slogged for Rs. 20 a day for 50 years ? (hyperventilate) Don’t talk to this guy ever again!! And stop talking to that stupid Neo too! This is all his fault you know! Bloody Americans! Now get me my asthma inhaler!”

3. Be honest: Youngsters are smart, so Neo learned quickly to stop BS’ing them and asking them vague questions like “where do you want to be in five years?”. If something does freak you out, and you have to say your mind, just say it.

So, don’t be condescending like this:

“Well, you’re going through a difficult phase in life. And I’m sure you just did this because you wanted your friends to think you’re cool.”

Just try and be honest and direct:

“You were a f*ng moron to gamble your computer course tuition money in the stock market! Now let me make some calls to try and get you an internship somewhere so you can learn some new stuff and maybe earn back some of that money.”

Conclusion: Be honest, be real and be respectful when you interact with youngsters, and you can actually be a part of their lives, rather than becoming a part of their problems. And they will reward you with their company, their insights and most of all, their friendship.

And finally, here’s a song that might help you get into the groove:

Do you have any more tips on how to bridge the age-divide ?

PS: The corollary, i.e. treating older relatives as kids works well too. Try doing the Indian head waggle frequently and praising them as if they were little children (“wow I love the way you said that, that’s such a wonderful insight”). Especially whenever an elderly person says one of those vaguely profound-sounding, but meaningless statements like “India’s strength is in it’s values”.

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Category: Elders, Return to India, Youth, culture | Tags: Drum kit, Economic Times, health, India, Kids and Teens, mumbai, Steve Jobs, Stock market 17 comments »

17 Responses to “3 tips to help you connect with youngsters in India”

Shefaly
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:10 am
Neo

I have used many tools and tricks to get with my nephews and nieces (my cousins are much older, ergo) but I hear you. Once I am done with the task at hand, may return to comment or write a whole post.

Meanwhile, have you tried using the same techniques with other human beings?

PS: The UK peeps have a different opinion of Lily Allen although her cultural references in this song are largely British. And yes, the BBC bleeps out the f-word in ‘that’s why my life is so f***ing fantastic’.

[Reply]
neo
June 24th, 2009 at 1:19 am
At this point, all f**ing means is “very”. Maybe someone can just introduce that new meaning into the Oxford dictionary so BBC can unban it.

-Neo

[Reply]
Shefaly
June 24th, 2009 at 6:07 am
That is unlikely to happen. They now even bleep the ‘faggot’ in Pogues’ Fairytale. A long while though since I heard Money For Nothing on radio so cannot say how they treat ‘that little faggot’ with an earring and makeup, who is also a millionaire. :-/

[Reply]
araYan
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:49 am
perfect
and what better way to end it than with Lily Allen?!

[Reply]
TD
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:05 am
Great advice! I actually think you got all the imp points there.
Your happy breakfast moments make me envy you, but on the other hand I hardly ever have breakfast.

[Reply]
neo
June 24th, 2009 at 1:17 am
Hi TD,

I’m going to sound like a boring old man here, but breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Almost by definition you don’t have a healthy diet/exercise routine if you’re not hungry for breakfast. Or maybe your dinners are way too heavy ?

-Neo

[Reply]
Roshni
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:45 am
You can probably use those points for youngsters anywhere….or for that matter most sane, non-creepy people!
Ok, one thing to appear human to youngsters is to be at least aware of new technology and trends, such as twitter, iphones etc. I remember rolling my eyes and shrugging the older generation off once I knew that they didn’t even know how to use the internet!

[Reply]
Shefaly
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Roshni

You are right on the button. That point re technology may explain (part of) my popularity with my nieces and nephews. I have been on Facebook since it began and was only available to .edu IDs. That fact alone makes me “cool” in many young persons’ eyes. That, and I blog/ tweet as well as repair things, manage a complicated wireless network of bits and bobs at home, and work for myself. I think much dismissal by youngsters is also about being unable to acknowledge that the adults have something cool about them. In that respect, I find my nephews and nieces in their 20s quite emotionally open, honest and engaged. For starters, they all are happy to be my Facebook friends and in our wall-chats they openly acknowledge me as their Bua/ Maasi etc.

[Reply]
neo
June 24th, 2009 at 1:15 am
I got dragged into #$#$ Orkut because of these kids. I still can’t figure out Orkut. I’m more of a Facebook/Twitter guy.

-Neo

[Reply]
Shefaly
June 24th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Ah, Neo. I have convinced the kids to upgrade to Facebook so they are not using Orkut any more. How is THAT for successful connecting, eh?
neo_indian (Neo)
June 23rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
New post: 3 tips to help you connect with youngsters in India – http://tinyurl.com/mt8umb

[Reply]
Philip
June 23rd, 2009 at 5:09 pm
ah, your breakfast requirements is a bit too perfect. Since am a very non-fussy eater, i can be easily managed. So not much worries on that front. As for talking to the youngsters in India, i think they are much more mature and forward looking than me. 8 years in Singapore has made me a very mellow and boring kinda person who is more interested in giving sermons

[Reply]
neo
June 24th, 2009 at 1:14 am
Hi Philip,

I think the kids today go through such a socially simulating experience (just thanks to the population density), that it forces them to develop their personality and likes/dislikes very early. The total number of people these kids interact with on a daily basis just far outstrip what we are used to in the West (or in Singapore).

These kids can haggle with the auto driver in Kannada while breaking up with their boyfriend by texting him, while simultaneously having a conversation with the 2 other people they shared the auto with!

-Neo

[Reply]
Charu
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Wow! what a breakfast. I wish I could stop chewing my very lightly or burnt bread in the car on the way to work. I can’t stop LOL everytime you switch topics like this saying “(Speaking of….)” but still come right back to main subject of the blog. When the maid show up, every morning early enough or live in?

[Reply]
neo
June 24th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Live-in maids sort of suck due to the privacy problems, and also because you end up being responsible for any health issues they might get at 2am.

Our maid comes in at 6.30am and leaves at 9am to handle the breakfast chores. She comes back in the afternoon to do all the other stuff.

-Neo

[Reply]
IB
July 15th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
You are so spot-on about the live in help!
Though I confess it was amusing when our then-live in lady watched Terminator -III with us- when Arnie cut into his chest and changed his batteries her eyes almost popped out!

The appeal of watching her goggle began to pall when Sex and the City came on and Samantha Jones was doing things best described in Latin to a courier…

[Reply]
Kislay Chandra
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Boy ! You are the expert man . I wish I had you as an elder , or rather “old” cousin .

[Reply]