The war for women
by neo
Feminists had it wrong all along – the Hindu moral policemen are not waging a war on women, they’re actually waging a war for women – as in literally to get women to marry them.
(Neo finds it bizarrely tragic that we even need to have a label like “feminist” – how come we don’t we need a special label for “non-racists” or “non-murderers” or “non-rapists” ?)
But do indulge Neo for a minute and imagine that you are a Hindu moral policeman – and this is your story.
You developed your sense of entitlement early – at home, the boys showed up like kings at mealtimes – and the girls served them. Your mother deferred to your father even when she was right. She was loyal and cooked for him even after she found out about his mistress. It is good to be a man – everything is designed with you in mind.
But college changed everything. You never really figured out why the girls despised you so much. You were nearly kicked out of college for slapping a woman – but she called you a chauvinistic pig! Why couldn’t all women be as nice to you as your mother and sisters were ?
The more you saw modern India, the more disgusted you grew with the sex, drugs and partying that went on. That’s when you started attending the meetings your friends organized every week. Just look at the little sluts. AIDS is God’s way of punishing them.
Yes, you and your friends would change society – the vigilante way. A Hindu moral policeman was born. You were a real man.
Nowadays, there is the occasional but powerful cognitive dissonance. It does niggle your mind sometimes that the world’s most powerful, developed and peaceful countries are correlated with women’s freedom. The most backward, violent and weak countries of the world are characterized with the sort of women’s clothing your group prefers women to wear. So what, India is different. We have morals. Our women need to be dressed differently.
You hate muslims with a passion. But somehow you get this odd feeling of deja-vu when you read about the Taliban. Yes, why would a non-slutty woman need to show her ankles, or dress in jeans ? The Taliban do have a point.
You thought, that after their initial protests, women would welcome you as liberators from the oppressive western regime that was being forced upon them due to peer pressure.
But for some strange reason that you couldn’t figure out, women don’t like you. Which was fine by you, since the feeling is mostly mutual.
The only woman you truly liked was Savita, your pretty neighbor – oh why did she hate you after you slapped her ? Her skirt was too short! You just didn’t want other men to think that she was a slut!
But Savita or not, you do need to get married and have good, cultured kids eventually. Where will the next generation of moral police come from ? Who will reform the women after you are gone ?
That skinny, nerdy classmate of yours, the guy you used to bully, now has a job in a multi-national oil company, travels the world, and has a girlfriend. She proposed to him – on Valentines day. 
She looks so hot – but you don’t want her because she’s immoral. Except, you really want her. No, she must be a slut.
But the truth is slowly dawning on you – as women get more freedom, the men who respect women seem to get more women! This game is rigged against you.
That is why you hate freedom for women – because there is no way in the world a free woman with an education would ever marry you. Maybe the Taliban have another valid point – stop women’s education – uneducated women are far more likely to marry you because their fathers (and yes, mothers too) will force them to.
Yes – destroy their false, modern confidence. Take away their fleeting financial freedom – so that they will rely on their fathers and uncles to arrange their marriages. Yes, men must have control over marriages, otherwise your society will collapse. Women cannot be allowed to choose.
That is why you are obsessed with women (and not as much with promoting democracy, vegetarianism, Sanskrit, Kathakali or Indian classical music).
That is why you hate Valentines day, and dating – because each woman who dates is a woman who has voted with her exposed legs and walked out of your world.
In a very real sense, your world is collapsing. A world without women is a dead world – its only a matter of time.
Now you realize – yours is not a war on women, its a war for women. 
PS: You’re losing.
So true. And it’s always a “war” with these types, isn’t it? Somebody should recruit these guys into the army, pronto. Except they wouldn’t last a week when they see that being in the army means you have to be a soldier first – get up at 4:30, dig ditches, rifle drill, route march, etc. – and a warrior only when your country is threatened. Blehdy fuls, in sab ko liquid oxygen main daal do. (With apologies to Ajit and to non-Hindi speakers).
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Was this a guest post? ;)
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I tried to get a real moral police to write – but all he could say was “git bak to kitchen u hos”, which somehow didn’t meet the quality standards of this blog. :-P
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oh, so he want men to cook too! Maybe they’re not that bad after all!!
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lol! well written as always … it needs to be shared. for some reason, the pingback link from me blog won’t work.
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Hmm that should work! Send me a mail – neo _at_ neoindian dot org with more information if you can, thanks!
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You crack me up dude.. I’ve known a couple of “moral police” types.. You can never win an argument with em.. was foolish enough once to point out the clearly self defeating and ultimately futile nature of his arguments.. and for that I think I earned his life long hatred… he still hates me – passionately.
The arguments usually boils down to:
1) The west is full of whores.
2) This is how it’s been done since ancient times.. if you respect you mom/dad/ancestors you’ll follow it.. else you have no culture etc etc..
The moral brigade must have a fountain head they all drink from.. the arguments are strikingly similar.. banal.. boring and unfortunately untrue.
Read your tweet…
“I love reading Indian matrimonials – “Looking for pretty, homely bride, fair complexion, within 22-26, B.A. / H.S. except SC / ST.”
Looks like they still hate the SC/ST types.. ;-)
My dear old country.. I like to think these years away have changed me.. I wonder – if I ever return, would I pickup old world prejudices again?
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With SC/ST people it’s more like “we let you study with us and even work with us – now be nice, run along and don’t try to marry our women”.
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and then you will wear a khakhi chaddi, take a danda, go to the shakha and exercise every sunday morning.
on your way back, see girls with mini skirts exposing their thighs and drool.
and then come home, jerk off thinking of those thighs. Then, log on to rediff message boards and write about the greatness of the chaddi gang and your disgust for women who show off some flesh.
awesome post :)
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Thanks for visiting. And sadly, many are more sophisticated than your average rediff jerk-off.
In the sophisticated “Dockers khaki chaddi” group, the moral police mentality only comes out after marriage. It starts off innocuously as “please darling can’t you wear your mangalsutra all the time”, three years later, the woman is wondering “wait a sec, where are all my cool clothes, and why am I washing dishes all day ?” ;-)
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this is something no man will tell you about……. and it CUTS LIKE A KNIFE!!!! you are a woman who is up and about, lead an active lifestyle, make good use of the 24hrs that you think is a gift from God, shop, come home, cook, do all that is expected out of you AND what you expect out of yourself…….. you feel invincible and then!!!!! suddenly, out of nowhere, your menstrual cycle comes calling and you are reduced to the four walls of the house…. you eat bland food, laze around at home getting pampered and feeling like a fish out of water…….. is this where the idea of “weaker sex” comes from — an idea that women cannot bear a little blood flowing out of their bodies? i am sure most women of my generation (i am 25, married and working) were not allowed to do all they could for about five days every month after they gained puberty…… mothers, grandmothers, aunts, girlfriends and, in some cases over protective mothers-in-law have also done their bit to make sure that this tradition stays, of staying at home for PMS (you could read that as Pre Menstrual Syndrome or even Pampering Myself Syndrome; my choice is, quite clearly, the latter)!!!
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Heyy Phillip!!! cool dude….
you just forgot the perverts who only attend the mass for looking at the sexy thighs n the cleavages… how can u forget those lusty eyes mann!!!!
Heyy…is that the reason why the white robed gang end up paying billions of dollars to the victims as compensation???
Quite interesting… huh??? :-D
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Whoa! Nice :)
//Neo finds it bizarrely tragic that we even need to have a label like “feminist” – how come we don’t we need a special label for “non-racists” or “non-murderers” or “non-rapists” ?//
Precisely the reason I don’t go around calling myself a “feminist”. It’s like saying “Oh I strongly believe one should be clothed while stepping out of the house”.
g
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I hear you – but until our mission is accomplished, perhaps we need to live with this non-label.
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loved this post. The rate of development of a country is directly linked to the participation of women and the marriageable age. It makes economic sense to make women liberated so effective workforce can be built. An educated emancipated woman is more likely to prevent population explosion which is so badly needed.
I have a huge respect for women who are housewives, however being a housewife should be a choice.
Some one remarked how the “moral police” believes that all women from west are whores and I have experienced it myself. I have a european girl friend and people like these keep on telling me that “these women drink, these are whores”. So what men drink too, they are also bigger whores then. I guess that might just be right anyways !
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Yes, being a housewife needs to be a choice, along with equal societal acceptance of stay-at-home dads.
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Neo:
I would say a lot of things but what do I know? For that matter, what do _you_ know – you simplistic feminist you! ;-)
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Careful now, you’re going to light a fire here too, and then not be around to put it out. :-)
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As the great Billy J said: We didn’t start the fire, it was always burning, since the world’s been turning…
Alas some people just do not notice it till the flames are too near them. :-/
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Admit it, some people R driving you crazy, aren’t they? . . . :P . . .
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Neo:
//Neo finds it bizarrely tragic that we even need to have a label like “feminist” – how come we don’t we need a special label for “non-racists” or “non-murderers” or “non-rapists” ?//
I am surprised you are still asking! Recent evidence suggests John Lennon was a visionary after all.
http://tinyurl.com/2n8dsd
Nothing has changed. Nowhere. Ergo, the continuing need for such descriptors.
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Neo:
Sorry to crowd the place out. I wrote the last comment and went on a conference call. And amid discussing scheduling of something, remembered that the song was inspired by something Yoko said. Who knows those were her sentiments but his words?
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“Neo finds it bizarrely tragic that we even need to have a label like “feminist” – how come we don’t we need a special label for “non-racists” or “non-murderers” or “non-rapists” ?”
Awesome stuff :-). Just for that, you get a new label of “one of the Top 10 Indian bloggers” – from me. (YAYYY…??)
“That skinny, nerdy classmate of yours, the guy you used to bully, now has a job in a multi-national oil company, travels the world, and has a girlfriend.”
The problem is, unlike, say right-wing crazies in the US or Taliban commanders, loads of these moral-police-types in India actually start out as good students and followers of authority. And then all that hard work for grades is useless since their teachers forgot to teach them critical thinking and coherent communication.
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“One of the top 10?” – At least give me a top 3 medal position! :-P
And you’re so right. The moral policing problem in India is actually at it’s heart socio- economic, and not religious. Is it a coincidence that most free women come from the middle and upper income groups and go to the pubs, and most moral policemen come from the lower income groups and have to drink in dingy bars ?
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Where in Bangalore are you? How does it compare to living in USA and back here, with salary going down 4 times, and cost of living going down by half?
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Your salary and cost of living assumptions seem overly negative. Plus you have to account for the high purchasing power of the rupee, and the lifestyle benefits that come from living in India. For instance, what is the value of nearly 40 hours of errands taken away from your life per week ? I use this time to hang out with my son, to exercise (1.5 hours a day), to read and of course to blog. :-)
Another thing to think about is the long-term growth prospects of the Indian economy vs the US economy.
But yes – if you are going to stick to a one-point comparison of converting your Rupee savings into Dollars and comparing it with the US, you will probably not be happy in India.
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This was such a well written post!!!
So thoroughly enjoyed it! :)
First time commenting here..So hi! :)
Coming back for more.
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The bit about Taliban was kick ass . May be , some day , these bozos will get together , in their War for Women . ;)
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They are made for each other, they just don’t realize it yet. And soon, some of the right-wing Christians will also join them, I’m sure.
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So, do they call you Brown Sahib?
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Every post I read on your blog is better then the previous one! And this one really takes the cake.
Really, I simply fail to understand how come these moral police jokers have so much support from the general public (believe me they do – they would not have the courage to go about in such a high-headed manner had they not had that support)
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The majority only needs to be silent for a small minority to claim to speak for them.
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Point taken!
And while we are at it .. I might as well comment on #7 and your reply to it. You hit the nail on the head there – will we ever accept stay-at-home dads? If I want to give up my techie career to pursue my passion for blogging and photography, will I be not looked down upon? I doubt!
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I would argue that it is more important to do so if it is “looked down upon”. That is the only way we can force society to change.
Also – there is an interesting intersection here with gay rights isn’t it ? If gay marriages become commonplace, there will be many more (gay) stay-at-home dads, which helps drive acceptance for straight stay-at-home dads too.
PS: I have quite a few stay-at-home dad friends (sadly none of them Indian). Acceptance for this is far greater in the US than in India.
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[...] writes a letter to the Hindu Moral Policeman who seems to relish imposing his will on everyone. I doubt any moral police will read and heed the [...]
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Well said. Awesome!
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AWESOME!!
*take a bow*for this one is the best one yet!
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Thanks buddy. This was one of the most difficult posts that I’ve ever written, and so your words mean a lot to me.
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The war for women: http://tinyurl.com/pbnv4z Very interesting post by @neo_indian
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This is the first time I’ve visited your blog and I love this post so much I’m adding you to my Reader.
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Thanks for reading Unmana, and I hope to never overstay my welcome in your Reader.
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This is one of the BEST posts I have read on the blogosphere all these years. And I seriously mean it!
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Thanks so much for the compliment Medha, although its sort of sad that this post even had to be written, isn’t it ?
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Neo
What did I tell you about the make-up (no pun) of your readership? ;-) Thank
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Neo
What did I tell you about the make-up (no pun) of your readership? ;-) You are welcome. I am esp good at pattern recognition.
PS: Sorry about that partial comment.
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Yes, but isn’t that “fair”ly obvious ? Oh didn’t anyone tell you today is #stupidpunday ? :-)
-Neo
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Of Hindu policing – rings true!! http://tinyurl.com/pbnv4z
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[...] The war for women [...]
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I’ve been reading all your posts since I found this site an hour ago.. this has to be my favorite! Ha ha will be back for more!
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[...] The war for women (47) [...]
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[...] The war for women (48) [...]
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Good Post. Wish it was funny like your other ones.
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A subject like this can not be ‘funny’. But we can surely laugh at how bizarre and true it is…
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http://neoindian.org/2009/05/14/the-war-for-women/
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Very Funny but Very Simplistic..and as your Uncle say..you are an self-righteous American in India..i.e. everything is linear, and you have golden one-liners for every problem..but alas..not so fast:-(
This post assumes if taken seriously:
Men r ONLY (or SOURCE of) responsible for “moral policing”
My mother and sister calls every girl who is “hot” & do some sort of subtle “sexual power projection”(like wearing flattering clothes) or independent types…..SLUTS
The reason I gather is jealousy coz they are beautiful than my sister, have awesome boobs or shapely bum.
But over time you hear so many “SLUT”/”LOOSE” calls that..there is no one pure except your mother and sister.
I am so angry and sad that you accuse Indian males as a whole of “moral” policemen…coz you didnt even leave a loophole for feminists.
Girls dont HATE men for “imprisoning” them so much
Why? Coz I have noticed in my school days that girls(in Kerala at least) dont get out of home at all..They are so used to the cage that..u know like parrot ..get adapted to it..They FEAR men’s libido..fear being raped or molested..coz of constant fear-mongering by parents..and it is a self-fullfilling prophecy..and gender-desensitised(due to compartmentalisation of gender in every sphere of life) boys/men will easily oblige..
I dont want to give a long post..so I am pre-maturing concluding with immediate thoughts on the post…
First of all…the post is technically awesome..but flawed in content..and depth..like “Avatar”..
the reason for moral policing is that India “is” a conservative society which has to change of course..and you should know that non-Hindutva parents/brothers will also morally police..and will not flinch to “honour kill” sister/wife..
Ok in two lines I will summerize..
The issue is not:
1) Hindutva…or
2)Male issue..
The issue is:
1) Destroyed Indian civilization (which is rebuilding/repairing..) unlike US..which started from scratch in model of destroy-build-destroy-build..
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Can’t believe I didn’t know about this blog until today.
‘… somehow you get this odd feeling of deja-vu when you read about the Taliban. Yes, why would a non-slutty woman need to show her ankles, or dress in jeans ? The Taliban do have a point.’
And then they threatened to take Renuka Chowdhury to court for comparing them to Taliban, just because they beat up some women in a pub.
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[...] The war for women [...]
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Came here through IHM’s.
Loved this post. Of course they are angry and scared that the world is going to end, look how bad-character free women are running aroung spoiling our mothers and sisters and wives!
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[...] prove all women are wittier than all men? It doesn’t of course. I know plenty of witty men. (Read this post if you don’t believe me. Or this [...]
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[...] The war for women. – Neo Indian [...]
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It is a very in-depth and well written post, sprinkled with satiric humour. Well done. Pls spread the message by publishing it.
But other than mindset, there also needs to be a system and law that supportsd freedom for women.
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