12 terrible things to say in your job interview in India
by neo
“Why aren’t you in a more interesting business ?” is not the sort of existential question Neo expects to answer, especially coming from someone interviewing at his company for an entry-level position. But after spending two years in India interviewing people, he has learned to be prepared for anything.
Neo always goes in well-prepared for taking interviews – people at work might be laughing openly at his “flash card” rapid-fire question session, but it really works.
Unfortunately, in India, it seems often that the interviewee is less prepared for the interview than the interviewer!
So, if you are interviewing for a position in Neo’s company, here’s a few things you should avoid saying:
1. “I have 20 years of Java experience” – Very impressive, especially considering the fact that the first version of Java was released only 14 years ago.
2. “I’ll have a Mojito!” – A non-alcoholic drink would perhaps have been a better choice during your lunch-time interview ? But maybe after your Mojito you can tell us exactly how it is that you have only “6 years experience in verbal communication” ?
3. “What’s your flexible hours policy?” Quick question: your résumé states that you want a “party-time” job ? Perhaps you meant “part-time” ?
4. “My email address is hardbanger94@hotmail.com” – Thanks, but we sort of prefer it if your email address is based on your name, instead of your music (or sexual?!) preferences. Also, it’s fascinating that you use hotmail.
5. “Will I get to work on-site?” – On which site ? Maybe you have us confused with a construction company ?
6. “What is the exact title of the job?” – Just for that, we think we’re going to make yours “Junior Assistant Trainee”.
7. “I was born in 1973, in a small town called …” – Here’s a tip: It’s probably safe to skip over your childhood memories (and broken romances) when we ask you to “tell us a little bit about yourself”.
8. “Do you provide lunch ?” – When we ask “Do you have any questions for us?”, we sort of expect questions revolving around the company or the industry we’re in. But no, we don’t provide lunch. And since we haven’t had any malnutrition-related deaths here, we tend to believe our employees are doing just fine.
9. “Sir could you come and meet my mother who’s waiting downstairs ? She’s heard so much about you!” – We’ve just had one phone conversation and now this 20-minute interview. Perhaps we should take our relationship one step at a time ?
10. “Did you know a Venkat in your college batch?” – Doesn’t everyone ? Now can we get back to the coding problem on the whiteboard ? That graph isn’t going to traverse itself while we play six degrees of separation!
11. “What exactly does your background check include?” – If you need to ask, we doubt whether we’ll need to check your background.
12. “Your HR lady is pretty!” – Yes, she sort of got your point: when she asked you about your chief weaknesses, you answered “pretty women” – and winked at her. BTW, she’s not an “HR lady”, she’s the CEO of our India office.
Yes, interviewing is stressful and everyone goofs up. But a little bit of common sense (such as “don’t wink at the CEO”) will go a long way in helping you land your dream job at Neo’s company.
(*Many details have been changed to avoid embarrassing people who really deserve to be embarrassed.)
No related posts.
lol@ Junior Assistant Trainee
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@Aditya Well, if he performs well he can be “Senior Trainee” in 5 years! :P
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Hmmmm – I don’t think you needed the “in India” qualifier in your heading. ;-) Sadly, I can see myself asking 11 out of curiosity’s sake – although I’d probably manage to restrain myself.
I’m not sure what the problem is with asking for the exact job title, if it wasn’t already posted with the job advertisement (big if, I know). Knowing the title of a job can tell you a lot about the overall “vision” for the position. It can also be meaningless, of course, like my current title of “Analyst”.
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@Gori Girl
I’ve never been asked “Do you provide lunch” while interviewing people in the US – and no one’s managed to hit on the CEO during the interview either – so that’s where the “in India” qualification comes from. :-)
Yes, I think it’s perfectly normal to want to know the job title – its just that maybe they should wait until they’ve made some sort of positive impression on us ? :-)
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NeoIndian:
I do not use web lingo on principle but on this occasion, I must admit I had to pick myself off the floor, dust my clothes and continue reading.
Just for the record, I did not know a Venkat in college but I have known a Venkat in every institution I studied or worked in. They all strangely want to be called ‘Venky’.
But tell me, why is the CEO of the India office (“country manager”) participating in an interview for such a technically oriented, apparently junior role? Tut tut!
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@shefaly
Our CEO does this randomly, to make sure we’re calling the right people in for interviews. We had an issue last year where the phone screens had become too lax (one such “candidate” felt strongly that “two to the power eight” is 100).
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neo:
seriously, why is 2^8 an interview question? are calculators banned in your firm? ;-)
- s.b.
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A wise man said that those who need calculators probably can’t use them, and those who can use them, don’t need them. Ok I just made that up – but in your honor sir, I shall offer the use of a calculator to the next person who doesn’t know 2^8
-Neo
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Well, 0×100 is 2^8.
(Recently discovered your blog and have been thoroughly enjoying your archives).
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Yes, perhaps he memorized that the wrong way. :)
-N
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@NeoIndian
Thanks for clarifying. No, seriously.
As for that “strong feeling” candidate, I hope he/ she wasn’t being interviewed for a job requiring some numeracy or a “feel for numbers”. I envy you though – because of how I work, all random ullus are filtered out and I miss on so much fun, clearly.
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such a complete contrast to the stodgy yawnable interview sessions here in the US!
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Ha ha ha ha! Thanks so much for starting my day so wonderfully!
And thanks to Shefaly’s RT that I got here. Am gonna follow you now.
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Mohitos/mojito: Am impressed.. when I visited last in 07, Jose Cuervo gold was where it was at.. and priced so high, you couldn’t afford more than a shot. You’d puke your guys out after that one shot of that lighter fluid anyways..
There is more to moving back now than I thought.. :-).. was the mojito any good?
India has indeed moved ahead bud..”Lunch interviews”… Wow!
In my time there – mid 90′s to late 90′s, I was part of two cattle calls.. we had three minutes or less to each interviewee..if they could as much as say “Java” and fog a mirror – we’d take em in.. The resumes were all fake.
Love that there are pretty girls in IT-India now.. needless to say.. back then it was a regular sausage fest.
Another great post… pretty hilarious!
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I was kinda hoping to read more on the “Why aren’t you in a more interesting business ?”
That sounds like an absolutely fascinating question…some sort of reverse psychology. Make the interviewer go on defensive, and hope that it works out for you!
Funny read!
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Sir,
Truly I am now understanding why I have not secured employment in your respectful organisation.
I shall now apply these learnings and add them to my strengths so that I can offer better candidature to you in future.
Also sir, please don’t mind, I now know winking at lady CEO is not suitable. But please to be telling me, will I get job if I wink at you?
Awaiting your reply sir,
Quirky Indian
(aka Venkat)
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1. You forgot to attach your resume. That might strengthen your candidature considerably. ;-)
2. Your use of the word “organisation” instead of “organization” reveals your American bias as surely as if you walked into our office wearing a red+white+blue bikini (another thing I don’t recommend doing during your interview). :-)
3. Wearing a red+white+bikini and winking at me might imply that you are gay – which is an offense in India. You might be sent to a slightly different kind of organisation than the one you were hoping for. :-P
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//“I have 20 years of Java experience”//
I wouldn’t write that off before making sure it wasn’t coffee they were referring to.
//“What is the exact title of the job?”//
So when he walks in, he could be interviewing for anything from Chai-maker to Sr. Whimsical Designation?
g
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Actually, he could be interviewing for a wide variety of titles – we’ve often hired people into positions 2-3 levels higher (or lower!) than the ones they applied for.
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[...] Indian lists the twelve terrible things that should never escape your lips during a job interview. As ridiculous as some might seem, I’m sure they have been uttered at least [...]
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@ g
Sr Whimlsical Designation :)
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Loved this post.Absolutely hilarious!
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laughing away, as usual! awesome!
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Dear Neo,
while others may laugh at these reponses, unfortunately, this reflects extremely poorly on your cultural-sensitivity skills, and shows you out to be an extremely judgemental person – thanks for the warning, I definitely won’t be applying to your company, whichever it is.
“What’s your flexible hours policy?” – This is a perfectly reasonable question – some companies allow you work from 8-5, or 9-6 or 10-7, others are more rigid and demand that show up at 8.30 and not a moment later. It is always good to know how archaic the mindset of the management is. I have a feeling you expect your employees to be at work at 8.30 sharp, and they’re expected to stay till midnight. If so, this again reflects pretty poorly on your knowledge of work & environment culture in India. India is a place where anything can happen, and sometimes, even the most simplest of things, like getting to work on time can easily be disrupted, by a cow on the street, a political rally, a flash flood due to rain and other such factors. Therefore, asking if you’re a Time Nazi or not is perfectly acceptable.
“4. “My email address is hardbanger94@hotmail.com” – how do you immediately jump to the conclusion that this e-mail address is a sexual reference, and why do you care? How about judging somebody on the merit of their interview responses, and qualifications, as opposed to their e-mail address? You sound like a stuffed-shirt. The words ‘hard’ , ‘banger’ neither contain anything racist, or overtly sexual, but you’re perverted mind instantly jumps to sex. Thanks for the tip. Next company please.
5. “Will I get to work on-site?” – Really – how clueless are you? ‘On-site’ means working on Client Site – i.e. usually means getting to go work abroad for a few years. This has been every software company’s favourite carrot, used to entice the best and brightest. I suggest you become more aware of the job market you are operating in.
8. “Do you provide lunch ?” – basically means is there an on-premises cafteria. Not sure if the candidate was asking if the lunch is free or not – again, used to be standard practise to subsidise lunch for your employees.
9. “What exactly does your background check include?” – You really are a nazi aren’t you? I would like to know, as a pricate citizen, where exactly you plan to go snooping around. Are you going start calling up my neighbours? Asking me for a urine sample? Or just make sure I don’t have a police record. Different companies, different policies – in fact there are still companies that don’t conduct background checks, God bless their soul. Doesn’t hurt to ask – or well – it didn’t until you showed up with your attitude.
Anyway, good to know how certain ABCDs think, and thanks for the warning. You just lost out on the opportunity to hire me – and although your attitude probably makes you think that there’s no shortage of labour in India, there is a severe talent shortage in India, and it’s not helped by judgemental, draconian people like you. I’m willing to wager your company has lousy people working for them .
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Heh – thanks for your comment. But at least we agree that flirting with the pretty ladies during your interview isn’t a good idea – we have more in common than you think. :-)
-neo
PS: I’m willing to wager that the email address on your resume is based on your name, and not on your hobbies.
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Sadly, Neo, I sort of have to agree with TTG here. While your post is extremely funny, I was ROFL here…, I think being sensitive to the different environments people grow up in, which would lead them to ask such questions, is needed.
It is easy to make fun of such people (and such questions), but being aware of where they are coming from, will certainly be a big step forward for many of us “sophisticated, cool, hip, been-there, done that” souls.
(Hmm, I wonder if you wrote this blog just for the sake of writing a funny blog, or if you really don’t understand that not everyone grows up in an urban, “sophisticated” environment, and neither do they want to become one of the “hip” guys/gals”. And I for one, am thankful for that).
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I totally get what you are saying. Of course I indulged in a bit of comedic license in the post.
But just to clarify – although we might (and do) laugh at some of the quirks shown by people while interviewing, we would never NOT hire someone who was otherwise qualified, just because they were culturally different than the rest of us – like I said earlier, we’d hire them and tease them. :-)
Now – if they can’t do 2^8, even with a calculator, it doesn’t matter which village or city they come from, right ?
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Thanks for the clarification, Neo! Sounds like you are a perfect employer then :)
Hey, btw, your grandma sounds delightful :) (in response to another post, of course. It is kind of a pain to search for your older blog posts , since there is no list and the only way to get to a particular post seems to be to click on “Older posts” and keep searching. But maybe I’m missing something.)
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Hi Joanne,
Thanks for letting me know about the pain in finding older posts. So I added a new archives page! Click on “Archives” right on the top of any page, or click here!
-neo
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That was quick! The Archives section was what was needed. Thanks.
And I am still boggled by the 2^8 interview quoshun :)
Seriously, this is an interview Q? Whatever happened to function pointers and doubly linked circular linked lists :).
IMHO, the 2^8 should be stricken off the Q list, banished …..
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Lighten UP! Let’s not politicize what’s meant to be light reading.
And, BTW, you might be one of the very few who’d let a “hardbanger@…” reference pass…to me, it’d be a sign the candidate is not entirely “put together”.
In any case…to each his own. I credit Neo for taking your comments in stride.
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Just for this one, I might follow you on twitter myself ;)
Hilarious, but sadly very very routine. Here’re some of my favourites. (All these are actual conversations that I’d had in the past):
Q. Tell me some of your recent achievements.
A. Sir, I got married recently.
=====
Q. What has been your favourite subject in Engineering?
A. C language
Q. Er.. I mean engineering subject..
A. Yes.. I studied computer science.
========
Q. Tell us more about yourself.
A. Myself _____, son of ______ and grandson of ______. My father was ____… you get the point..
========
Q. What was your favourite subject in Engineering?
A. Binary arithmetic
Q. Good. Can you tell me by looking at a binary string how do we figure out whether it is a multiple of 3 without actually dividing it?
A. (silence)
Q. Er.. ok.. multiple of 4?
A. (silence)
Q. Sigh.. by looking at a binary string can you tell whether it is a multiple of 2?
A. (silence and a long sigh) Sir, I used to know these answers by heart, but now I am nervous.
=========
Q. Do you have any questions?
A. Yes, what will be the starting salary when I graduate?
A. Does the college have a swimming pool?
A. I already know computer science. Do I have to study CS subjects again?
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ROFL.
I might try this one myself:
VP: Why the f*** are we behind schedule again ?
Me: Sir, I used to know these answers by heart, but now I am nervous.
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Personal experience:
Q: Which language are you most comfortable in?
A: English is alright.
Q: Err … I meant programming language.
FYI, I wasn’t the interviewer :P and I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t make it.
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ROFLMAO =)
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wow! U’r kidding ?? Either ways,ROFL! Wish I can sit in on some of these interviews dude! Super entertainment!!
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12 terrible things to say in your job interview in India http://tinyurl.com/q3o9g2
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Hmmm …… but looks like this is common elsewhere as well.
http://thedailywtf.com/Series/Tales_from_the_Interview.aspx
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This is funny!! But I believe the background check part, it happens.
Just yesterday I read this rediff piece about resumes with grammatical errors. One gem became I love cooking dogs! “party-time job” is anotehr gem to be remembered. :)
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Another interesting answer to the question “Why did you leave your current employer ” – Answer -’ No on-site oppurtunities !!!!
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First of all, nice one, Neo!
Second, my name is really Venkat… and I don’t recall meeting most of your candidates in college or wherever ;-)
Third, here are my entries for funniest comments in interview/resume:
“I am a work-alcoholic.”
Reason for leaving last job: “Too much work.”
And there was this guy who had claimed that he was quitting his last job because they gave him an average rating without reviewing his work and that his managers were “incompetent” and “did not know how to review properly”.
Following you on Twitter… nice writings!
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Some are good, some are actually legitimate questions. I interviewed a person in US for a financial analyst position where there were good growth opportunities and asked the person where he saw himself in 5 years. His response: Having a beer at a bar/pub that I own and manage…
He had been out of a job for the prior 9 months and had been on numerous interviews but never gotten a second interview. That streak was kept alive…
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:lol:
awesome!with a capital A :D
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When asked about Background check, I thought you would say “Turn around”! Hilarious, I recently saw a skit by some IT guys in Youtube. A girl comes in for an interview and says she knows nothing but C++ and gets selected. A guy breezes in and says he is king of all technologies and suffers a gruelling interview. Funny that was!
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From Desi Pandit, terrible things to say in an interview… http://tinyurl.com/q3o9g2
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So tell us, Neo, why _aren’t_ you in a more interesting biznis? ;-)
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You missed one , I think .
“Where do you see yourself 5 years from now ?”
I said – “Hopefully, I see myself not looking for another job” .
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My CEO has limited interviews to only 20 minutes. If I start asking existential questions like those, I doubt there will be time left to ask anything else :-)
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If this is what you get at interviews of people invited against applications, I shudder to think what happens at those ‘walk-in interviews’ that one so often sees advertised.
Anyway, good entertainment!
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First time here and I just couldn’t resist adding this..
Q : so you say you have had four years working experience.
A. Yes.
Q. What’s the company’s name ?
A . Sorry , I forgot.
Unfortunately this happened in NZ….
Cheers
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Neo: Can you add a calendar on the side please? And tags? So if someone remembers what month approx/ what topic, they can find posts. :-/ Yes, we are a demanding lot of plebs and slebs.
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Can’t believe I didn’t do this earlier. I added an archives page – look on the very top of any page. There is a link to “Archives”.
Tag cloud goodness coming soon. :-)
And you guys are not plebs, you are celebs for me. :-)
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I felt obliged to write this comment (my last on this topic, I promise :)
after reading Younis Khan;s interview responses after Pak lost to England in the T20 match. (See last few paragraphs):
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/tms/2009/06/t20_blog_sunday.shtml
Neo and others : Looks like your interview candidates are not the only ones with bizarre and funny answers!!
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12 things not to say in a Job interview http://neoindian.org/2009/05/12/12-terrible-things-to-say-in-your-job-interview-in-india/ .!!!
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Dont tell me someone asked you to meet his mother downstairs!!! If thats the case, then guess you really interview for junior astt trainees!!!!
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Awesome one out there !
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In the same vein, can anyone comment on the work culture in India, especially as compared to that in the U.S.? How does one pitch ideas? Even in MNC’s, is it necessary to ‘look bored’ (methinks it is more like ‘look mean’) to be a senior manager?
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Hilarious pages… must reads. http://neoindian.org/2009/05/12/12-terrible-things-to-say-in-your-job-interview-in-india/
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[...] 12 terrible things to say in your job interview in India (55) [...]
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hilarious – http://neoindian.org/2009/05/12/12-terrible-things-to-say-in-your-job-interview-in-india/
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You could add “my fiancee is doing MS, so please…” to the ‘on-site’ question.
True story. I swear.
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Ok..let me put my story in..I am sort of a military fanatic..in terms of interest..and I was reading & immersed in so much insurgency material stuff..that..
In wipro’s introductory talk..where I was asked to talk about what my ambition was..It kinda slipped out of my mouth that..
I wanted to create an insurgency/militia group..Oops..! I think some of the puking well-rehearsed cliches by others before me provoked me to sort of switch the lane..but glad they didnt call the police..
and terror was not a big issue at that time..
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hilarious!!! sometime back i had interviewed some guy who had to revisit his resume to verify what he wrote :P
you know the standards sometimes!!!
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@madmanweb Like knowing a Venkat. http://neoindian.org/2009/05/12/12-terrible-things-to-say-in-your-job-interview-in-india/ (by @neo_indian)
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