Learn everything you ever wanted to know about “unnatural sex” – from the Indian penal code

by neo

The last thing Neo wanted to do after a harrowing day at work was to read about sex with animals, or about superintendents of jails having sex with their inmates. But there really was no escape.

It all started with Neo’s reputation for being an “Internet expert” in his family – his grandmother thinks Neo invented Twitter – neither Neo nor the 50+ people she has bragged to has had the heart to correct her.

Happy happy joy joy

Unfortunately, this time, Neo’s Internet expertise failed him. Much to the disappointment of Neo’s uncle, he couldn’t find a suitable bride for his  unmarriageable choosy cousin online.

Most single women ignored Neo’s solicitations on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Actually, two women did respond, but that was because they thought the bride was for Neo – Mrs. Neo was outwardly outraged but privately proud (yes, Mrs. Neo is so poetic even her emotions are alliterative).

Undeterred, Neo decided to check out shaadi.com, but then quickly got distracted by shaadi.com’s “women seeking women” section – which was odd since it doesn’t exist.

Could it be that there were no gay people in India ? As it turns out, they are all either in jail, or fugitives – the erotically titled “unnatural sex offences” part of Section 377 of the Indian penal code makes gay sex (along with rape and sex with animals) punishable at worst by life imprisonment. (Neo’s close, mostly single, gay friends don’t realize the tragicomic irony when they tease Neo’s marriage as being “life imprisonment”.)

Lawyer Jokes

Neo is no lawyer, but it does seem that rather than trying to criminalize normal, private, consensual activity between two adults, the government could be more helpful by banning actual deviant behavior like making sex noises while working out in the gym! (Now you know why Neo’s in-ear noise-cancelling earphones cost him more than his ipod.)

Anyhow, one of Neo’s gay friends pointed out that he doubted  the prison cell allocation algorithm was smart enough to make sure that two gay people are not imprisoned in the same jail cell, which might sort of defeat the purpose of their incarceration in the first place (and before the gay convicts get any ideas, there is a special clause (376C) for the “superintendent of jail having sex with the inmates – yes, porn movies plagiarize too!).

Neo’s evening studying India’s “unnatural sex” laws ended on a positive note – the Indian Penal Code is more tolerant (in a “wink wink” sort of way) towards lesbians. It defines “sex” in terms of intercourse – so an Indian lesbian woman on trial can always claim, rather self-evidently – “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!



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