Does God read this blog ?

by neo


Neo often wonders why God doesn’t use SMSes (or Google Talk) to communicate with the faithful. What could have been more effective than a well timed “Stop checking out the blonde” SMS last Sunday afternoon ? (Although the exceptionally painful jab from Mrs. Neo could only have been divinely inspired.).

Before Neo’s readers think he’s delusional for seeing pretty blond women in Bangalore – please consider that Bangalore has a huge expat population. So the truth in Neo’s vision of a hot blonde on the streets of Bangalore is likelier than the possibility that “sacrificing rhinos” and “don’t even kill the fly sitting on the rhino” are both valid paths to God. (If indecisiveness is a Godly characteristic, Mrs. Neo is on the right path – she is not sure about what clothes to wear for a party before, during and even after the party is over).

Hot Blond Chick Wearing Suit and Tie

Being an atheist might be trendy, but its actually more boring than most people think. For the most part, there is nothing to do. Those of Neo’s readers who don’t play cricket know the feeling all too well. Its like the whole world is into cricket, and you are, well just not. Atheism is a belief system in the sense that “not collecting stamps” is a hobby.

But back to the topic of madness (or psychiatric delusion), here’s what St. Wikipedia says are the three criteria for diagnosing delusion:

  1. certainty (held with absolute conviction)
  2. incorrigibility (not changeable by compelling counterargument or proof to the contrary)
  3. impossibility or falsity of content (implausible, bizarre or patently untrue)

So is Neo delusional ? Lets apply the criteria:

Polar Bear

  1. Neo is absolutely certain he saw a hot blonde. Neo can be uncertain about which hand to use during Hindu ceremonies (he is left-handed and very distracted). But seeing a superficially superior human female is not the sort of thing Neo gets confused about.
  2. There is no proof to the contrary – can anyone prove that Neo didn’t see the blonde ?
  3. There is an element of bizarre – the alleged hot blonde was actually eating rasam and rice at Bangalore’s MTR – which has (and can only) be described as a refugee camp.  This is not unlike seeing a polar bear on a tropical island.

So, Neo meets the three criteria for being clinically delusional! Now that the cat is out of the bag, here is Neo’s favorite delusionary statement  (used often to trap unwary relatives at spectacularly soporific Hindu ceremonies):

All religions are actually God’s way of testing out which of us have an ounce of logic, humanity, intellectual honesty or common sense. If you believe that human sacrifice, sexism, genital mutilation, begging for favors (a.k.a. praying) or breaking coconuts is the way to God, do you really deserve to be in heaven ? Neo believes that only atheists will go to heaven.

So yes – dear God, if you are reading this blog – Neo is ready for rapture right about now (if you act now, Neo won’t have to pay the rent for April).

(PS: Neo’s offering to the grammar nazis: “Blond” is gender-neutral and works like an adjective, and can refer to a male or a female. “Blonde” is a noun and feminine. )

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