Does God read this blog ?

Neo often wonders why God doesn’t use SMSes (or Google Talk) to communicate with the faithful. What could have been more effective than a well timed “Stop checking out the blonde” SMS last Sunday afternoon ? (Although the exceptionally painful jab from Mrs. Neo could only have been divinely inspired.).

Before Neo’s readers think he’s delusional for seeing pretty blond women in Bangalore – please consider that Bangalore has a huge expat population. So the truth in Neo’s vision of a hot blonde on the streets of Bangalore is likelier than the possibility that “sacrificing rhinos” and “don’t even kill the fly sitting on the rhino” are both valid paths to God. (If indecisiveness is a Godly characteristic, Mrs. Neo is on the right path – she is not sure about what clothes to wear for a party before, during and even after the party is over).

Being an atheist might be trendy, but its actually more boring than most people think. For the most part, there is nothing to do. Those of Neo’s readers who don’t play cricket know the feeling all too well. Its like the whole world is into cricket, and you are, well just not. Atheism is a belief system in the sense that “not collecting stamps” is a hobby.

But back to the topic of madness (or psychiatric delusion), here’s what St. Wikipedia says are the three criteria for diagnosing delusion:

certainty (held with absolute conviction)
incorrigibility (not changeable by compelling counterargument or proof to the contrary)
impossibility or falsity of content (implausible, bizarre or patently untrue)

So is Neo delusional ? Lets apply the criteria:

Neo is absolutely certain he saw a hot blonde. Neo can be uncertain about which hand to use during Hindu ceremonies (he is left-handed and very distracted). But seeing a superficially superior human female is not the sort of thing Neo gets confused about.
There is no proof to the contrary – can anyone prove that Neo didn’t see the blonde ?
There is an element of bizarre – the alleged hot blonde was actually eating rasam and rice at Bangalore’s MTR – which has (and can only) be described as a refugee camp. This is not unlike seeing a polar bear on a tropical island.

So, Neo meets the three criteria for being clinically delusional! Now that the cat is out of the bag, here is Neo’s favorite delusionary statement (used often to trap unwary relatives at spectacularly soporific Hindu ceremonies):

All religions are actually God’s way of testing out which of us have an ounce of logic, humanity, intellectual honesty or common sense. If you believe that human sacrifice, sexism, genital mutilation, begging for favors (a.k.a. praying) or breaking coconuts is the way to God, do you really deserve to be in heaven ? Neo believes that only atheists will go to heaven.

So yes – dear God, if you are reading this blog – Neo is ready for rapture right about now (if you act now, Neo won’t have to pay the rent for April).

(PS: Neo’s offering to the grammar nazis: “Blond” is gender-neutral and works like an adjective, and can refer to a male or a female. “Blonde” is a noun and feminine. )

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Category: bangalore, cricket, culture | Tags: Atheism, bangalore, Google, Google Talk, Hindu, MTR, Religion and Spirituality, Short message service 13 comments »

13 Responses to “Does God read this blog ?”

Roshni
March 26th, 2009 at 9:58 am
“Being an atheist might be trendy, but its actually more boring than most people think. For the most part, there is nothing to do.”

Whaddya mean? I went thru my entire teenhood enjoying the dismay and horror I generated in people at my sacrilegious ideas!! Nothing is more entertaining then hearing people mutter loudly behind your back about how you’ll turn out !!

Yeah, religions are just a drag!! But, hey! We do get to eat good food, get new clothes and get a holiday sometimes coz of that! Don’t forget to factor in these exciting benefits!

[Reply]
neo
March 26th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
@roshni

I have a confession to make.

In my teen years, I was something of a model child.

I actually reached atheistic enlightenment relatively late in life. It took the collective might of the four horsemen to save my soul.

People used to wonder how you’ll turn out.

People wonder how I turned out this way (after such a promising start).

[Reply]
litterateuse
March 26th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
1. To answer your title question: Yes, I do
(Alright I take that back – it’d be quite a paradox that I exist to question my own existence )

2. Did neo see that pot-bellied balding guy next to the blonde?
Did neo see them make out? Did the blonde punch neo in the face for gawking? If yes to all, I rest my case.
If not, can neo prove it didn’t happen? What is the probability that neo sees only the blonde but not the dude and them doing their thing and she punching him? 1/4. Now, what is the probability that a probability of 1/4 occurs in every event? 1/4.1/2. I could go on recurring this, but you get the idea – the limit tends to zero.
So – did neo really see the blonde? Likely not.
Now, how much weight does a “likely” really have in any given sentence? None whatsoever.
So again – did neo really see the blonde? “Not”.
Hence proven.
(Is neo delusional? That only neo knows. Not.)

3. Last, I promise – and this one’s on a relatively serious note: Dude, you’re stealing my Atheist’s Paradox argument of years, that’s unfair!! If believers don’t ~~prey~~ pray, are they still believers? When they do pray, how is it not bribing? If they bribe will they go to heaven? Hence, if anyone, only atheists shall go to heaven. LOL, I don’t believe this!

g

PS: Both, blond(e) are both an adjective & a noun. Blond – gender-neutral/masculine; blonde – feminine only, but dying now. (I still use it because I’m dinosaur myself). Don’t kill me, kill that grammar nazi who filled me in.

[Reply]
neo
March 26th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
@litterateuse

1. You’d think in 2009, God would at least be contributing to his wikipedia page. I mean, its bad enough that God doesn’t help children who are dying of AIDS through no fault of their own, but – we’d appreciate at least an accurate website.

2. If I think I’m delusional can I really be delusional ? Because the first criteria is 100% certainty. If I can even concede the possibility that I’m delusional, then it means I can’t be 100% sure of what I saw. Which makes me not delusional. Which means now I’m sure it happened! Which takes me back to delusional! What have you done to me!!

3. ROFL – Its like “God has everything planned perfectly, but let me totally disrespect him by asking him to completely change it just for me. Please God, can you speed up my Amazon order?”

PS: Thanks for that correction. I always suspected that there’s more to “blondes” than meets the eye!

[Reply]
Easily Amused
March 27th, 2009 at 10:37 am
But.. but.. .all the hot chicks have religion..

Let me rephrase (Warning!! – Sweeping generalization ahead!) – much like the dried out old coot in the video above.. atheist tend to be old – obese – balding men (and their hags) desperately trying to be funny and relevant in a world that’s focused on getting laid and humping the next thing that walks by.

Hot chicks have religion, especially the slutty – skanky ones.

Try picking up that buxom babe with “Hey! Wanna do the freaky deaky with a bonafied – certified card carrying atheist?” and she’ll probably try to convert you into her ridiculous belief system.. if not outright bite your nads off.

To pass on your genes and not be the evolutionary dead end who’s one minor contribution was really really bad code and grammatically incorrect prose and irreverent humor clogging up the internet..you’re better off feigning religion till you get married and start getting some poon on a semi regular basis..

Evolution / Darwinism dictates you feign religion till you have gotten lucky and procreated.. you are then free to shoot your mouth off and do what you want.. by then you’ve served your purpose and become genetically irreverent anyways… Thus everyone wins!

Long live the Charade!

[Reply]
neo
March 27th, 2009 at 10:42 am
@Easily

Also – its not a great time to bring up atheism when she’s saying “Oh God” in bed. (Not that I would know. Just sayin.)

[Reply]
Easily Amused
March 27th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
ha!.. I wonder if anyone’s been a conscientious objector yet (bringing up atheism when she’s calling to her maker and urging you to go deeper – harder)

In my young – feral days.. we had a list for what kinda ho gives the best head.. if memory serves.. the “non conformists opposed to organized religion” but “deeply spiritual” won hands down.

On the same note.. my alcoholic – pothead – serial fornicating buddy’s secret path to poon heaven were zodiac signs…. and quasi religious mumbo jumbo inter-spliced with new age spirituality.. his guiding principle was – if she is delusional enough to believe she’s compatible with someone based on the month they were born.. she’s suck anything.. it seems to have served him well…

[Reply]
The real reason to move to India | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:17 am
[...] Does God read this blog ? [...]
Dinesh
May 15th, 2009 at 10:59 am
I tweeted sometime back – “Atheists say no God and Theists say no other God”, but that doesn’t make me Agnostic either. So the answer to the question “Does God read this blog?” is just another question “Do you wish that God read this blog?”.

If you are an atheist, does it even matter to you if you talk about God and if you have to prove to others about God and his/her non-existence? The more and more you try to prove there is no God, you will actually end up refining your definition and picturization of God, so that you disprove his/her existence and end up talking more about God as opposed to an Atheist’s fundamental belief that there is no God.

[Reply]
neo
May 15th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Atheism is not a belief in the absence of God – its an absence of belief in God.

[Reply]
Kislay Chandra
May 19th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
“All religions are actually God’s way of testing out which of us have an ounce of logic, humanity, intellectual honesty or common sense. If you believe that human sacrifice, sexism, genital mutilation, begging for favors (a.k.a. praying) or breaking coconuts is the way to God, do you really deserve to be in heaven ? Neo believes that only atheists will go to heaven. ”

Good one . Even though , I don’t think there is a heaven or hell . Just a way to frighten people to follow your pack .

[Reply]
neo
May 20th, 2009 at 2:02 am
Isn’t all of religion just a way to frighten people into doing what the church/imam/temple wants ?

[Reply]
Questions about life that seem important but are actually not: #5: “Why am I here?” | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian
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