Return to India myth #4: Moving to India will make you happy
by neo
One of the more unintuitive things Neo discovered after moving back to India was this – the happier someone was with their lives in the US, the happier they seemed after moving to India. (Except on dry days of course – when everyone is required by the Indian government to be unhappy.)
Neo has many good (but unhappy) Indian-American friends who live in the US and share the following broad sentiments (at the risk of over-generalization):
- They feel that they have been left out of the cultural and political mainstream in the US (Neo feels that way about himself too – but tells himself that this is actually a good thing).
- They feel financially insecure due to the recession, low savings, and impossibly high retirement costs.
- They privately complain about subtle racial discrimination, especially when it comes to getting upper management positions (Neo never understands this – in many of the companies he’s worked at in the Valley, there were actually more Indians than Americans in upper management).
- They are unhappy with their daycare/school situation, and think their kids will get a much better education in India.
- They complain about the teen culture in the US, and think that in India, their kids will be better off.
- They think that everyday life in the US is too difficult, and that the presence/support of parents, relatives and maids makes life in India easier.
So when such friends ask him whether they should move to India, Neo tries to gently dissuade them from moving back. Because the truth is – that the above is exactly the profile of someone who will most likely be unhappy after she moves to India.
- They might continue to feel left out of the cultural and political mainstream in India – in most cases, they will find that India is actually more liberal and progressive than they are or would like it to be – they will only replace their worrying about the American teenage culture with whining about how Indian teens are aping the worst aspects of their western counterparts.
- India has recessions too, and costs of living are phenomenally high (especially in the larger cities). Most people will earn less in India than they did in the US. Retirement is easier in India, but inflation can spoil many finely-crafted financial plans.
- Office politics are a bitch – even in India. Those who didn’t have the political and people skills necessary to break through in the US, will probably not do so in India. (Neo has a female CEO – and by now, his charm with the ladies should be apparent even to casual readers of this blog – his detractors at work never know what hit them.)
- You have to work the school situation significantly to make it work for you and your kids. (See: Stop whining and start improving your child’s Indian education, Return to India myth #19: School education is generally better in India (than in the US))
- Teenage sex, drugs and alcoholism is rampant in urban India (Neo never visits villages – villages scare him). Parental communication, “having a clue”, common sense and a strong bond with your kids is the only deterrent against this juggernaut of a problem.
- Living close to your parents and relatives comes with its own share of obligations and family politics. Its amazing how much time is spent in India attending weddings, engagements, birthday parties and festival celebrations. Neo loses track of where he is sometimes (He recently went to a wedding and wished the groom "Happy Diwali"). Also, Neo never realized that his relatives hated the Ferrero Rocher he always brought back from the US on his yearly India visits. How incredibly mean that so many knew, and yet no one bothered to tell him.
It is sort of obvious in hindsight – happy people generally stay that way and recreate their state of happiness around them no matter where they stay. And those who are unhappy (usually because of a deeply hidden sense of entitlement), keep finding out that there are plenty of new (and valid) reasons to stay unhappy – even after they move to India.
Conclusion: Moving to India is one of the most expensive and cumbersome ways of finding out if you’re really the happy person you think you are.
PS: Neo is happy – his forced exile to the couch is now over.
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Neo, just wanted to tell you what a good read this was. Funny, ironic and quite the truth!
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Absolutely right! I am going to ask a few of my friends in the USA to read this post. They don’t believe me when I tell them that, they will believe u cause you have a nice blog.
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a very nice profound statement… you are absolutely right! Glad that you are out of the doghouse now!!
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Quite true, these people seems to be stuck in limbo. One leg in US, another in India, belongs to nowhere.
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@Nita – thanks!
@yad – Yes, a healthy dose of realism with a sprinkling of optimism is ideal. :)
@Roshni – The fact that I stopped shaving while living in the doghouse also helped. People started asking Mrs. Neo too many questions. :-)
@no-one – Very true – happiness is not a place or destination, its a state of mind.
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:)
Déjà vu. Something I’ve always argued, in response to “…but we can’t really be happy unless we’re living in India”.
Nice one.
g
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Another great post.. outstanding!
I was going to say… happiness, like love, is an an ability..not just a feeling, but it kinda feels faggy..
So pretend I said this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo9buo9Mtos
And you are right bro.. moving to India or any other place on earth… (except perhaps Hawaii) won’t make you happy or happier :-)..
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funny and true! me like.
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@Easily – ROFL – and I still can’t believe Arnold is the governor of my old state of California.
@litterateuse – You win a free subscription to my blog for your correct use of accents in “Déjà vu” – Most people get the é but miss the à. I bow to the literate within you.
@choxbox :-)
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Takes one to know one, neo – not everyone catches these things. But I do love that euphemism – “literate” for OCD :D It shall be conveniently used henceforth ;)
g
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Neo, you must have heard of it by now.. there is rumor of the Gubernator (Governator) doing yet another Terminator movie..
http://www.arnoldschwarzeneggercontroversy.com/arnold_governator.jpg
and
http://www.arnoldschwarzeneggercontroversy.com/arnold_vote4me.jpg
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@Easily
Actually I didn’t know about it until now. I’m sure Jay Leno will be all over it in a few days. I get all my US news through Jay Leno and Jon Stewart (I usually know more than most of my CNN-watching friends).
btw, I was just doing my california taxes, and I was stunned to find out that the rate for me has, wait for it, doubled.
Why am I paying California taxes long after I ceased to be a California resident ?
For California, I’m the gift that never stops giving.
Either that or I have the crappiest tax guy (even worse than the guys the Obama administration uses).
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Super post! I am yet another engineer in the valley,and am fed up with ppl complaining ALL the time about how much better their life would have been in Bangalore,only to show off endlessly when they visit about their lives here! These are the same ppl who flop on their couch all weekend after (over)eating at yet another Indian buffet,rather than go out and enjoy the weather and the variety of things to do here!
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@V
One of the huge advantages of living in Bangalore is precisely that – you avoid all the whiny types you describe. :-)
-neo
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Hilarious, hilarious and so very true! I liked all parts of your article, I didn’t quite understand your “fear” of villages. Maybe thats where you have to go to be really happy:) I totally agree with V(Comment #14) as well, being a bay area resident myself.
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@Mallika
I don’t fully understand my “fear of villages” too. Mrs. Neo and I are working on it (along with some other similar issues).
Maybe its the fear that I will be permanently offline, without any ability to send mail, blog or even twitter for help. My other co-villagers will wonder why I’m running around like a lunatic asking everyone I see – “Internet?”, “Internet?”.
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For me, reason #6 applies the most – seriously, more so in winters – haha! As a mother, I think I pretty much will die with exhaustion in a few years, or my employer will fire me. But my actual dilemma is – ‘Where will my kids be safer, and have a better overall life’. I really don’t have an answer. So that is the only question I struggle with. Not India vs USA.
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@V
“rather than go out and enjoy the weather and the variety of things to do here!”
You are right bro.. spring is on.. wild flowers are blooming. The Mrs and I went out on a hike (today) by Pacifica and Half moon bay… exploring native Californian wild flowers and birds.. the trails and the views on the ocean pathways are breathtaking and spectacular..
This time of the year.. if you drive down 101 .. .the mountains are green.. and yellow and violet with flowers and at their most beautiful.
This is the best time of the year here.. mother nature is tumescence… she’s putting on the best display she can..
I’m sure.. such beauty exists in India… but to complain and crib.. when surrounded by it here.. must take some deep denial.
http://www.parksconservancy.org/visit/park.asp?park=60
http://www.parksconservancy.org/visit/park.asp?park=42
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Do you think India will ever offer full dual citizenship to NRIs instead of the Overseas citizenship they now have?
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@GC – I doubt it. But does it really matter ? About the only thing you cannot do as an overseas citizen is own agricultural land and vote!
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I guess it doesn’t matter as long as I’m abroad, but if I were ever move back to retire, it might make a difference.
Great blog, by the way. You’re a funny guy.
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I don’t agree with this at all…living with my people gives me much more happyness, then this US can ever give me with all the money, aisho-aaram out here…and what ever u say abt teenage culture in india, its still better then what it is here in the US…and the last thing i want to hear is, my children speaking english all the time, and dont even know there mother tongue…i dread such a situation…so i am going to go back…u people can stay here happy, i deffinetly cannot…
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[...] point is – moving to India is not going to cure your unhappiness, it probably won’t make you richer, and it certainly won’t feel like home either! And while Neo [...]
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Namaskar _/|\_
Excellent post. Having followed your advice, I tried to analyze the NRI stereotypes in a sociological manner(Getting more views) rather than from an emotional perspective(resisting the urge to punch them on the face and knock their teeth off.).
Interestingly, the results of my meticulous(Huh?), extensive(Yeah,right) and methodical (WTF!) research indicate that there are basically two types kinds of Overseas Indians.(I donot include cooks,labourers,maids,etc. here. :) Their problems are too severe to think about frivolous matters such as these.)
1)The Whiner.
2)The Yogi.
1)The Whiner:
This bloke is always cribbing, either about this or that. Whether it is about racism in America, or bad roads in Mumbai. Whether it is about the high costs of living in the US, or the poor guy defecating on the Dharavi sidestreet. No inclination to make any difference anywhere. He neither contributes to Salvation Army(why should I spend my hard-earned money on these _foreigners_?) or CRY(Is desh ka kuch nahin hoga). Cries about American kids:These kids are useless morons, all they care about is boozing and screwing. Indian kids are worse, because they’re all _wannabe westerners_, blindly aping the west(Just because I eat pizza and prefer speaking in English doesn’t make me a Redneck x-( .)
They’re neither happy in India nor in the US. When in India, they crib about the pollution,filth,dirt,etc.etc. Come to think of it, I doubt they can be happy _anywhere_.(except as someone said above, Hawaii ;) )
2)The Yogi:
Accepts the fact that there is good and evil everywhere. Filth and poverty are part and parcel of every society. It’s just that it is more widespread here in India. Appreciates the good qualities of both cultures and learns them. Can live happily even in Timbuktu.
I’ve seen many Whiners. I can’t really say I’ve met them but I can gather from their posts on cyberspace. It was these people I was stereotyping :P :P
You, Neo sir, are the first true Yogi I’ve come across. I can make that out from this post. Smashing.
Anyway, I guess I won’t be bothering you and other NRI bloggers with my views anymore. I’ve somewhat lost interest in the whole “Why some NRIs dislike India” topic. It’s time for me to return to spamming cricket blogs, I suppose.
Goodbye.
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Ha ha ha…how true…
For most people at least. Unfortunately for me, my family moved to India and in my three years there I looooooved it. I liked the food, movies, people and the general atmosphere. Then we moved back to the US. One word: DEPRESSION.
Anyway this article is still pretty true.
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Janani Janma Bhomischa Swargadapi…Gareeyasi….
If only the NRI’s have heard..read or understood these golden words this kind ofa discussion about mundane pleasures of human life will become superfluous.
Petra Thayum Piranda Ponnadum Natrava Vaanin Nani Sirandaduve…
Call mea Dhobi pay my dues is the western thinking….
But even if the alien land is a heaven Motherland is more sacred..
Human beings are similar to the animals in seeking food….seeking shelters….seeking safety from dangers…and seeking to enlarge the family….But the human beings differ from animals in its unique characteristic of achiving a cherished objective at any cost and inconveniences. GREAT THINGS ARE ACCOMPLISHED BY GREAT SACRIFICES. There are about 110 crore people living in the so called (in the perspective of NRIs) miserable India.
The NRIs are not migrants with a purpose to the alien land but only to satisfy their wants ..economic wants.It is like a Project work…Just as those who are sent to foriegn land for a project are being called back after the project is over…(I am not tal;king about those who stealthily find aliving after the project) The NRI’s who came for the project of uplifting their economic needs should plan of staus quo ante after bthe project is over..
NRI’s are enacting a drama of life since they have been chosen for that and when the drama is over they should think about mingling with the masses instead of trying to wealk around with the garments and cosmetics used in the drama.
In the THeory of evolution man has a special status because he can think and act by himself unlike other creations which are being monitored and made to act by the remote control on programmed made already while creation.
Think Positive……not on temperory pleasures.
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I don’t think I agree with you. In US I feel depressed and I went to a vacation to Florida and still felt the same. Vacation to India for a few months was a blast and much better than the vacation I had in florida.
Happiness is a state of mind and state of mind can be fixed by staying at a place where more of your needs are fulfilled.
I really don’t think this is a myth.
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SIENFELD ALERT: Everytime you refer to yourself as ‘Neo’, it reminds me of a Sienfeld episode devoted to a fellow who talks about himself in third person. Great writing. Neo is a funny man.
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Not that there is anything wrong with it ;-)
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Hi,
I am planning to move back to India – “again”. I once moved back to India in 2004 but I was single back then. I got married and life changed and I came back to US in 2006. In US I had a child and my child is 4 and a half years old. My wife doesn’t work but she does not want to go back to India.
I feel something is missing here in US. However, I know that life in India is not easy.
For me, the choice is between – **unexciting life in US, less jobs here so can’t break the office politics career by changing jobs and get a good position (On the other hand, big companies demote you and ask you to get your title back by proving yourself again), Target, Walmart, Costco, NOT many friends, etc. AND
** everything opposite but with lots of people and Pollution and diseases.
I am really confused though. Any real life experience will be appreciated. My email id is 984567@gmail.com.
Anonymous
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Jimmy Boy! You sound so much like a native american talking in the 1700s about gold-hungry, land grabbing, illiterate, back-stabbing, outcast mongrels who now make up the USA
None of us Indians came here with only a penny in our pocket, none of us claimed “your” land. We even pay more taxes than most of you because we fall in a higher tax bracket.
Please remember before hating that most of us were granted entry by your government because your kids are either mechanics, janitors or ecstatic that they graduated college with a nonsensical communications degree.
All of you have a sense of “you owe me”
All we owe you is pity.
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I like your post. I have been here for ten years. Maybe less than many others here. I left India for better opportunities, just like most people who come here, if not all.
But you know what, that opportunity, I don’t care about any more.
I care about what I have missed in these 10 years and what I failed to notice in those 23 years in India.
Yeah I have a house and a nice refinanced mortgage and a car and a dog and a fenced yard and I even have a Harley davidson. I go to potlucks and I eat at Indian buffets and fancy restaurants. I go play golf and I watch movies on netflix. I work hard and I drink with my friends on some weekends. I pay tax and I wait for the refund to finance something that I have been thinking about all year.
And I have American friends who don’t make fun of my accent and who don’t think that theres “snakes in my backyard”. In short I live the American Dream.
But I don’t want it. Because I don’t see meaning in it anymore.
I would much rather be surrounded by MY people..no matter how bad they are.
I want to belong. And I know where I belong.
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Slamdunk post! I’ve barely been outside the country for 8 yrs and I just realized that I am the “confused desi” (irony fully noted :) ). Reverse culture shock notwithstanding, I think I’ll always be more adjusted to life in the US (sadly though).
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Really liked this post, probably the best ones I have read about moving to India. I am moving back to India next month after a long, long time in the US. My life in the US has been terrific..can’t complain especially on the work front. I know life in India is going to be different but isn’t living all about loving change.
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