Comments on: Was the previous generation really rooted in excellence ? http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence Wed, 21 Dec 2011 09:47:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Basically Blah http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-9732 Basically Blah Fri, 12 Mar 2010 06:00:30 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-9732 That's right! You tell 'em! Whoever said that wisdom automatically comes with age? Those preachers think that the "younger and more foolish" generations must stay seated for an entire rendition that begins with "As an older person, my advise to you....." Bah! That’s right! You tell ‘em! Whoever said that wisdom automatically comes with age?

Those preachers think that the “younger and more foolish” generations must stay seated for an entire rendition that begins with “As an older person, my advise to you…..”

Bah!

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]]> By: Why it is meaningless to say you’re proud of being an Indian | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-8250 Why it is meaningless to say you’re proud of being an Indian | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:34:42 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-8250 [...] pretentious religious ceremonies over what they actually mean, deep-fried over grilled, elder-worship over thinking for ourselves, the display of money over tastefulness and rote-memorized slogans over [...] [...] pretentious religious ceremonies over what they actually mean, deep-fried over grilled, elder-worship over thinking for ourselves, the display of money over tastefulness and rote-memorized slogans over [...]

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]]> By: Questions about life that seem important but are actually not: #5: “Why am I here?” | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-7001 Questions about life that seem important but are actually not: #5: “Why am I here?” | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:23:02 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-7001 [...] Your parents [...] [...] Your parents [...]

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]]> By: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to doing Namaste | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-5587 The Complete Idiot’s Guide to doing Namaste | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:20:34 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-5587 [...] away! If you are currently reading a crumpled printout of this guide while someone older is staring awkwardly at you, stop reading, fall forward, perform namaste and read the rest of this [...] [...] away! If you are currently reading a crumpled printout of this guide while someone older is staring awkwardly at you, stop reading, fall forward, perform namaste and read the rest of this [...]

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]]> By: Fighting for sports bra awareness in India | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-427 Fighting for sports bra awareness in India | neoIndian - Confessions of a newly returned Indian Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:18:09 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-427 [...] so, as with so many issues that keep Neo up at night – the answer is the same - blog about it and hope that Anita, Minal, [...] [...] so, as with so many issues that keep Neo up at night – the answer is the same – blog about it and hope that Anita, Minal, [...]

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]]> By: Easily Amused http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-268 Easily Amused Mon, 23 Mar 2009 19:32:25 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-268 Neo.. dude.. I've learned to look at the generational rift not as a schism but more as a continuum of disagreements and conflicts - brought about by our very different experiences in our formative years. It's not entirely "their" fault or "ours".. We are in the end.. products of our surroundings.. and our two surroundings were/are completely different. They are reacting to situations from what they've learned.. some with more finesse than others.. but almost all of them are out of their element - in dealing with what now really is a very different country, culture and economic and social setup from the time of their youth. And yeah.. If we think we won't have serious differences with your children on how they should live out their lives - especially on how they should live out their lives.. we are sadly mistaken... I'm sure when they grow up, they won't hesitate to kick us in the nads... indeed if they don't, we wouldn't have done a great job at raising them.. merely a passable one. From my personal experiences.. I've learned to pay lip service or out right ignore.. and do what I want.. everyone else be dammed.. and you betcha.. my son will do the same.. his daddy(me) be dammed if he thinks he's a say in anything remotely connected with his life. And lastly,... my big bro.. did what the old folks ordained.. and now he blames them for all his short comings.. some real and but mostly imagined... it appears that what goes around does indeed come back around. Neo.. dude.. I’ve learned to look at the generational rift not as a schism but more as a continuum of disagreements and conflicts – brought about by our very different experiences in our formative years.

It’s not entirely “their” fault or “ours”.. We are in the end.. products of our surroundings.. and our two surroundings were/are completely different.

They are reacting to situations from what they’ve learned.. some with more finesse than others.. but almost all of them are out of their element – in dealing with what now really is a very different country, culture and economic and social setup from the time of their youth.

And yeah.. If we think we won’t have serious differences with your children on how they should live out their lives – especially on how they should live out their lives.. we are sadly mistaken… I’m sure when they grow up, they won’t hesitate to kick us in the nads… indeed if they don’t, we wouldn’t have done a great job at raising them.. merely a passable one.

From my personal experiences.. I’ve learned to pay lip service or out right ignore.. and do what I want.. everyone else be dammed.. and you betcha.. my son will do the same.. his daddy(me) be dammed if he thinks he’s a say in anything remotely connected with his life.

And lastly,… my big bro.. did what the old folks ordained.. and now he blames them for all his short comings.. some real and but mostly imagined… it appears that what goes around does indeed come back around.

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]]> By: litterateuse http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-219 litterateuse Thu, 19 Mar 2009 01:57:48 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-219 @neo: I think it'll take more than electronic space to settle this. Besides, I can't wave my hands around and type with the right intonations for added effect. So if you ever happen to visit the US to uh...see what you just don't miss anymore (:D), I'd be happy to take you up on this over coffee :) @Easily Amused: I suspect you said something nice - thank you! (And yes, you do seem to be easily amused). @Sharmishtha: Balance is indeed the keyword, gosh! Even better if it's in my bank, but that's another story. g @neo: I think it’ll take more than electronic space to settle this. Besides, I can’t wave my hands around and type with the right intonations for added effect. So if you ever happen to visit the US to uh…see what you just don’t miss anymore (:D), I’d be happy to take you up on this over coffee :)

@Easily Amused: I suspect you said something nice – thank you! (And yes, you do seem to be easily amused).

@Sharmishtha: Balance is indeed the keyword, gosh! Even better if it’s in my bank, but that’s another story.

g

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]]> By: Sharmishtha http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-217 Sharmishtha Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:47:23 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-217 Your Uncle Jay - please forgive me - sounds just like an old windbag, the garden variety windbag that every family must have and endure. Just stick him in a corner and cover him with a blanket at bedtime. At least, your young relative (his too, I imagine) left her abusive marriage. Would she have done so a generation ago? Would she have been allowed to initiate a divorce? There are more choices now and Uncle Jay too is aware of them, although he may not like it. Frankly, more than the old uncles, it is the tyranny of the "youthful" Ram Sena types that -as a woman - I truly dread. Your Uncle Jay – please forgive me – sounds just like an old windbag, the garden variety windbag that every family must have and endure. Just stick him in a corner and cover him with a blanket at bedtime. At least, your young relative (his too, I imagine) left her abusive marriage. Would she have done so a generation ago? Would she have been allowed to initiate a divorce? There are more choices now and Uncle Jay too is aware of them, although he may not like it. Frankly, more than the old uncles, it is the tyranny of the “youthful” Ram Sena types that -as a woman – I truly dread.

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]]> By: neo http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-216 neo Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:19:53 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-216 @Sharmishta I think my Uncle Jay is very much relevant (he's a database of Indian history) - but why does he have to be so overpoweringly "relevant" when it comes to what other people wear, or whom they marry ? :) @Sharmishta

I think my Uncle Jay is very much relevant (he’s a database of Indian history) – but why does he have to be so overpoweringly “relevant” when it comes to what other people wear, or whom they marry ? :)

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]]> By: neo http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-215 neo Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:09:22 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-215 @Overrated Outcast - Out of the 3 compliments this blog has ever received, I'm proudest of yours (the other two were "ha" and "nice") :-) @Overrated Outcast – Out of the 3 compliments this blog has ever received, I’m proudest of yours (the other two were “ha” and “nice”) :-)

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]]> By: Sharmishtha http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-213 Sharmishtha Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:42:31 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-213 All very true. However, the converse isn't paradise either. I'm talking about the tyranny of youth - and youthfulness - under which most western countries labor, including the US where I live these days. Must one always be slim, energetic, fashionable, fresh-faced and twenty- or thirty-something in order to be considered relevant? Balance, people, we need a balance - everywhere. All very true. However, the converse isn’t paradise either. I’m talking about the tyranny of youth – and youthfulness – under which most western countries labor, including the US where I live these days. Must one always be slim, energetic, fashionable, fresh-faced and twenty- or thirty-something in order to be considered relevant? Balance, people, we need a balance – everywhere.

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]]> By: neo http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-212 neo Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:40:42 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-212 @Easily Amused - Happy St Paddy's brother. I loved your use of the word "semblance" - very very apt. BTW You moving to India soon ? @Easily Amused – Happy St Paddy’s brother. I loved your use of the word “semblance” – very very apt. BTW You moving to India soon ?

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]]> By: neo http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-211 neo Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:37:35 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-211 @litterateuse: I obviously can't speak for everyone in my generation, but I think its pretty clear that most are ready (even eager) to take responsibility for their actions. I don't think I've met many people at parties who said "Gosh, I wish I'd let my uncle arrange my marriage" - except for a few men who decided after a few years of marriage that they would prefer a (free) cook (euphemistically called as a woman with "Indian values") rather than their pesky, independent-minded wife who insists on sharing chores. The young ones are totally ready to take decisions, and with eyes wide open. Most know fully well how hard marriage is, for instance. No, its the previous generation that doesn't want to let go of their control (many of my relatives do this as a hobby, its like "what else would Uncle Jay do if he didn't arrange marriages and lecture women half his age on how not to dress") I compare it to living in North Korea. No matter how much Indian society goes to hell, everyone must keep praising the elders, keep asserting the supremacy of Indian culture and saying that everything is awesome (never mind that ugly man hiding behind the curtain). To maintain this illusion and control, sophisticated mind games are waged to coerce young folks to follow every decision. Before I moved here, I underestimated the sheer amount of pressure that is being brought upon to weigh upon young women in India. About hiding the alcohol - all I can say is - maybe the reality is you have to choose your battles. Its just more pragmatic to hide the drinks than being lectured about drinking by your parents (or worse, your in-laws) for their entire 182 day US visit. @litterateuse:

I obviously can’t speak for everyone in my generation, but I think its pretty clear that most are ready (even eager) to take responsibility for their actions. I don’t think I’ve met many people at parties who said “Gosh, I wish I’d let my uncle arrange my marriage” – except for a few men who decided after a few years of marriage that they would prefer a (free) cook (euphemistically called as a woman with “Indian values”) rather than their pesky, independent-minded wife who insists on sharing chores.

The young ones are totally ready to take decisions, and with eyes wide open. Most know fully well how hard marriage is, for instance. No, its the previous generation that doesn’t want to let go of their control (many of my relatives do this as a hobby, its like “what else would Uncle Jay do if he didn’t arrange marriages and lecture women half his age on how not to dress”)

I compare it to living in North Korea. No matter how much Indian society goes to hell, everyone must keep praising the elders, keep asserting the supremacy of Indian culture and saying that everything is awesome (never mind that ugly man hiding behind the curtain). To maintain this illusion and control, sophisticated mind games are waged to coerce young folks to follow every decision. Before I moved here, I underestimated the sheer amount of pressure that is being brought upon to weigh upon young women in India.

About hiding the alcohol – all I can say is – maybe the reality is you have to choose your battles. Its just more pragmatic to hide the drinks than being lectured about drinking by your parents (or worse, your in-laws) for their entire 182 day US visit.

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]]> By: Overated Outcast http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-209 Overated Outcast Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:06:10 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-209 You know, this was funny in a very Jon Stewart-eque way. Cheers. You know, this was funny in a very Jon Stewart-eque way.

Cheers.

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]]> By: Mridu Khullar http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-207 Mridu Khullar Wed, 18 Mar 2009 05:53:33 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-207 Indeed. Indeed.

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]]> By: Easily Amused http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-206 Easily Amused Wed, 18 Mar 2009 05:53:32 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-206 Today is St. Patricks day, I've had waayyy too many beers and can't keep it straight, let alone write something incisive and funny.. I initially hopped over here to write crude but subliminally suggestive sexually musings.. Darn! you gotta change that honking big pink N to something manly dude.. it's throwing me off. About the generational rift.. you are "litterateuse" are spot on.. I don't have first hand experience.. but all of Asia suffers it. Some close Asian (Chinese) friends confessed some pretty horrific parental pressure stories.. right there with the (east) indian kind of pressure. If Opera, Chopra and Dr. Phil had a Ménage à trois and Chopra gave birth to the baby.. that's the kind of nightmare the baby would have to live through... pretty intense. And.. if it's any help.. no matter what you do, in the end you're responsible for your own goddamn self. Ma and Pa like the semblance of control and authority.. actually pretty early on, I figured they like "semblance" more than "control and authority".. and in doing so, they don't mind wrecking your life. @litterateuse Hey I hopped on over to blog.. very entertaining. I'm new to this blog thing.. so pardon my naivety and rude transgressions. I'll have to visit your blog before my next big meeting and dazzle my colleagues and lowly directs with my newly acquired management speak.. this is great ja? Hey.. also.. always wondered why vegetarians are fine with molesting a cow every morning or whenever the farm feels like but are up in arms when it comes to eating. sounds specious yeah? Apparently sexually exploiting a hapless bowine is better karma than eating a hapless fowl. Enjoy St. Patricks day folks.. I had (dungeness ) crab curry with a great beer that bills itself as "Crisp, clean american Ale, perfect for extinguishing your fiery thirst". God! I'll miss em when I move to India. Today is St. Patricks day, I’ve had waayyy too many beers and can’t keep it straight, let alone write something incisive and funny.. I initially hopped over here to write crude but subliminally suggestive sexually musings.. Darn! you gotta change that honking big pink N to something manly dude.. it’s throwing me off.

About the generational rift.. you are “litterateuse” are spot on.. I don’t have first hand experience.. but all of Asia suffers it.
Some close Asian (Chinese) friends confessed some pretty horrific parental pressure stories.. right there with the (east) indian kind of pressure.

If Opera, Chopra and Dr. Phil had a Ménage à trois and Chopra gave birth to the baby.. that’s the kind of nightmare the baby would have to live through… pretty intense.

And.. if it’s any help.. no matter what you do, in the end you’re responsible for your own goddamn self. Ma and Pa like the semblance of control and authority.. actually pretty early on, I figured they like “semblance” more than “control and authority”.. and in doing so, they don’t mind wrecking your life.

@litterateuse
Hey I hopped on over to blog.. very entertaining. I’m new to this blog thing.. so pardon my naivety and rude transgressions.
I’ll have to visit your blog before my next big meeting and dazzle my colleagues and lowly directs with my newly acquired management speak.. this is great ja?

Hey.. also.. always wondered why vegetarians are fine with molesting a cow every morning or whenever the farm feels like but are up in arms when it comes to eating. sounds specious yeah? Apparently sexually exploiting a hapless bowine is better karma than eating a hapless fowl.

Enjoy St. Patricks day folks.. I had (dungeness ) crab curry with a great beer that bills itself as “Crisp, clean american Ale, perfect for extinguishing your fiery thirst”. God! I’ll miss em when I move to India.

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]]> By: litterateuse http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-204 litterateuse Tue, 17 Mar 2009 21:12:43 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-204 Well said (your response to Bill). But let me ask you this - would you just take everything dished out to you hands down? Doesn't anyone from the 30-something generation put their foot down when horrorscopes [sic] are being matched? <i>Especially while making decisions for life?</i> If one's incapable of taking decisions as an adult, why blame the previous generation? I'm certainly not defending them - what you say is true to an extent. But then should the previous generation be censured for having their (indefensible) quirks, or ours for humoring them, no questions asked? And if you <i>do</i> indeed swim against the tide, wouldn't you responsible for the outcome, no matter how it turns out? I have friends here - "hep", wine-drinking, even daring to eat egg, contrary to the Brahmin rules (long way to go before they'd touch animals ;) ) - but all alcohol is moved to our place, egg cartons trashed, any trace of impiety removed when the parents are to vist. I can understand if it's out of respect that the environment be how the parents want it - but to <i>actually</i> pretend that they never touch alcohol/egg, ever - wtf?! These are adults we're talking about. g Well said (your response to Bill). But let me ask you this – would you just take everything dished out to you hands down? Doesn’t anyone from the 30-something generation put their foot down when horrorscopes [sic] are being matched? Especially while making decisions for life? If one’s incapable of taking decisions as an adult, why blame the previous generation?

I’m certainly not defending them – what you say is true to an extent. But then should the previous generation be censured for having their (indefensible) quirks, or ours for humoring them, no questions asked?

And if you do indeed swim against the tide, wouldn’t you responsible for the outcome, no matter how it turns out?

I have friends here – “hep”, wine-drinking, even daring to eat egg, contrary to the Brahmin rules (long way to go before they’d touch animals ;) ) – but all alcohol is moved to our place, egg cartons trashed, any trace of impiety removed when the parents are to vist. I can understand if it’s out of respect that the environment be how the parents want it – but to actually pretend that they never touch alcohol/egg, ever – wtf?! These are adults we’re talking about.

g

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]]> By: neo http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-202 neo Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:32:40 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-202 @Bill - The older generation in my family might have many hidden (to me) strengths, but taking accountability for their past actions and choices doesn't seem to be one of them. They would be right at home at any recently bailed out Wall Street firm, like AIG. Last year, a close relative of mine (a smart, highly educated, pretty 22 year old girl) agreed under duress for an arranged marriage that was supposed to be a match made in heaven (literally - since the horoscopes matched to a tee). In less than a year, the marriage completely collapsed because the guy (and his mother) turned out to be (surprise) a misogynstic, abusive jerk. Thankfully, the girl's already filed for divorce thanks to the help of some of her friends at work (the process is not easy in India). You can bet that if this was a "love marriage" (sic), it would be a poster-child of everything that's wrong with my generation. Yet, in family reunions, no one discusses this horrible tragedy. And all the elders who were full of praise for the wedding just a year ago are now busy arranging the next horoscope-based marriage, oblivious to any sense of guilt. Blaming my generation for this mess is like blaming my 4 year-old for the climate change that he's going to have to suffer through. @Bill – The older generation in my family might have many hidden (to me) strengths, but taking accountability for their past actions and choices doesn’t seem to be one of them. They would be right at home at any recently bailed out Wall Street firm, like AIG.

Last year, a close relative of mine (a smart, highly educated, pretty 22 year old girl) agreed under duress for an arranged marriage that was supposed to be a match made in heaven (literally – since the horoscopes matched to a tee).

In less than a year, the marriage completely collapsed because the guy (and his mother) turned out to be (surprise) a misogynstic, abusive jerk. Thankfully, the girl’s already filed for divorce thanks to the help of some of her friends at work (the process is not easy in India).

You can bet that if this was a “love marriage” (sic), it would be a poster-child of everything that’s wrong with my generation. Yet, in family reunions, no one discusses this horrible tragedy.

And all the elders who were full of praise for the wedding just a year ago are now busy arranging the next horoscope-based marriage, oblivious to any sense of guilt.

Blaming my generation for this mess is like blaming my 4 year-old for the climate change that he’s going to have to suffer through.

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]]> By: no-one http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-201 no-one Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:04:03 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-201 You are quite funny, nice work. You are quite funny, nice work.

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]]> By: Bill McReynolds http://neoindian.org/2009/03/17/was-the-previous-generation-really-rooted-in-excellence/#comment-199 Bill McReynolds Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:50:03 +0000 http://neoindian.org/?p=421#comment-199 Neo, you are a damn good writer, and I wonder how your criticisms are received by those around you in your phoren-returned world. As one who loves India, who has been married to an Indian lady for more than 30 years, and whose children visit family there every couple of years, I am never allowed to ask the kinds of questions you have outlined in this one post. Of course, no place is the Promised Land, as we come to know better every day here in California. Finally, since the Maaji and I are hoping to retire back in India some day, I enjoy reading your experiences. Thanks! Neo, you are a damn good writer, and I wonder how your criticisms are received by those around you in your phoren-returned world. As one who loves India, who has been married to an Indian lady for more than 30 years, and whose children visit family there every couple of years, I am never allowed to ask the kinds of questions you have outlined in this one post. Of course, no place is the Promised Land, as we come to know better every day here in California. Finally, since the Maaji and I are hoping to retire back in India some day, I enjoy reading your experiences. Thanks!

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