Was the previous generation really rooted in excellence ?
by neo
Neo is all for respecting elders. Elder-worship is such a wonderful ponzi scheme (sort of like social security).
But while Neo’s still waiting to grow old and demand his share of elder-worship, he’s getting a little tired of the constant preaching and condescension his (30-something) generation is being subjected to.
Here’s the question that Neo wants the elders to answer:
If previous generations were so “rooted in excellence” – who precisely is responsible for creating the hordes of sexually repressed, bloodthirsty, vindictive, homophobic, racist, culturally stymied, religion-crazed, misogynistic, pedophilic, infanticidal, sadomasochistic, unemployable people that we find roaming our streets ?
(Yes, Neo is inspired by Richard Dawkins’ prose).
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Neo, you are a damn good writer, and I wonder how your criticisms are received by those around you in your phoren-returned world. As one who loves India, who has been married to an Indian lady for more than 30 years, and whose children visit family there every couple of years, I am never allowed to ask the kinds of questions you have outlined in this one post. Of course, no place is the Promised Land, as we come to know better every day here in California. Finally, since the Maaji and I are hoping to retire back in India some day, I enjoy reading your experiences. Thanks!
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You are quite funny, nice work.
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@Bill – The older generation in my family might have many hidden (to me) strengths, but taking accountability for their past actions and choices doesn’t seem to be one of them. They would be right at home at any recently bailed out Wall Street firm, like AIG.
Last year, a close relative of mine (a smart, highly educated, pretty 22 year old girl) agreed under duress for an arranged marriage that was supposed to be a match made in heaven (literally – since the horoscopes matched to a tee).
In less than a year, the marriage completely collapsed because the guy (and his mother) turned out to be (surprise) a misogynstic, abusive jerk. Thankfully, the girl’s already filed for divorce thanks to the help of some of her friends at work (the process is not easy in India).
You can bet that if this was a “love marriage” (sic), it would be a poster-child of everything that’s wrong with my generation. Yet, in family reunions, no one discusses this horrible tragedy.
And all the elders who were full of praise for the wedding just a year ago are now busy arranging the next horoscope-based marriage, oblivious to any sense of guilt.
Blaming my generation for this mess is like blaming my 4 year-old for the climate change that he’s going to have to suffer through.
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Well said (your response to Bill). But let me ask you this – would you just take everything dished out to you hands down? Doesn’t anyone from the 30-something generation put their foot down when horrorscopes [sic] are being matched? Especially while making decisions for life? If one’s incapable of taking decisions as an adult, why blame the previous generation?
I’m certainly not defending them – what you say is true to an extent. But then should the previous generation be censured for having their (indefensible) quirks, or ours for humoring them, no questions asked?
And if you do indeed swim against the tide, wouldn’t you responsible for the outcome, no matter how it turns out?
I have friends here – “hep”, wine-drinking, even daring to eat egg, contrary to the Brahmin rules (long way to go before they’d touch animals ;) ) – but all alcohol is moved to our place, egg cartons trashed, any trace of impiety removed when the parents are to vist. I can understand if it’s out of respect that the environment be how the parents want it – but to actually pretend that they never touch alcohol/egg, ever – wtf?! These are adults we’re talking about.
g
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Today is St. Patricks day, I’ve had waayyy too many beers and can’t keep it straight, let alone write something incisive and funny.. I initially hopped over here to write crude but subliminally suggestive sexually musings.. Darn! you gotta change that honking big pink N to something manly dude.. it’s throwing me off.
About the generational rift.. you are “litterateuse” are spot on.. I don’t have first hand experience.. but all of Asia suffers it.
Some close Asian (Chinese) friends confessed some pretty horrific parental pressure stories.. right there with the (east) indian kind of pressure.
If Opera, Chopra and Dr. Phil had a Ménage à trois and Chopra gave birth to the baby.. that’s the kind of nightmare the baby would have to live through… pretty intense.
And.. if it’s any help.. no matter what you do, in the end you’re responsible for your own goddamn self. Ma and Pa like the semblance of control and authority.. actually pretty early on, I figured they like “semblance” more than “control and authority”.. and in doing so, they don’t mind wrecking your life.
@litterateuse
Hey I hopped on over to blog.. very entertaining. I’m new to this blog thing.. so pardon my naivety and rude transgressions.
I’ll have to visit your blog before my next big meeting and dazzle my colleagues and lowly directs with my newly acquired management speak.. this is great ja?
Hey.. also.. always wondered why vegetarians are fine with molesting a cow every morning or whenever the farm feels like but are up in arms when it comes to eating. sounds specious yeah? Apparently sexually exploiting a hapless bowine is better karma than eating a hapless fowl.
Enjoy St. Patricks day folks.. I had (dungeness ) crab curry with a great beer that bills itself as “Crisp, clean american Ale, perfect for extinguishing your fiery thirst”. God! I’ll miss em when I move to India.
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Indeed.
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You know, this was funny in a very Jon Stewart-eque way.
Cheers.
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@litterateuse:
I obviously can’t speak for everyone in my generation, but I think its pretty clear that most are ready (even eager) to take responsibility for their actions. I don’t think I’ve met many people at parties who said “Gosh, I wish I’d let my uncle arrange my marriage” – except for a few men who decided after a few years of marriage that they would prefer a (free) cook (euphemistically called as a woman with “Indian values”) rather than their pesky, independent-minded wife who insists on sharing chores.
The young ones are totally ready to take decisions, and with eyes wide open. Most know fully well how hard marriage is, for instance. No, its the previous generation that doesn’t want to let go of their control (many of my relatives do this as a hobby, its like “what else would Uncle Jay do if he didn’t arrange marriages and lecture women half his age on how not to dress”)
I compare it to living in North Korea. No matter how much Indian society goes to hell, everyone must keep praising the elders, keep asserting the supremacy of Indian culture and saying that everything is awesome (never mind that ugly man hiding behind the curtain). To maintain this illusion and control, sophisticated mind games are waged to coerce young folks to follow every decision. Before I moved here, I underestimated the sheer amount of pressure that is being brought upon to weigh upon young women in India.
About hiding the alcohol – all I can say is – maybe the reality is you have to choose your battles. Its just more pragmatic to hide the drinks than being lectured about drinking by your parents (or worse, your in-laws) for their entire 182 day US visit.
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@Easily Amused – Happy St Paddy’s brother. I loved your use of the word “semblance” – very very apt. BTW You moving to India soon ?
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All very true. However, the converse isn’t paradise either. I’m talking about the tyranny of youth – and youthfulness – under which most western countries labor, including the US where I live these days. Must one always be slim, energetic, fashionable, fresh-faced and twenty- or thirty-something in order to be considered relevant? Balance, people, we need a balance – everywhere.
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@Overrated Outcast – Out of the 3 compliments this blog has ever received, I’m proudest of yours (the other two were “ha” and “nice”) :-)
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@Sharmishta
I think my Uncle Jay is very much relevant (he’s a database of Indian history) – but why does he have to be so overpoweringly “relevant” when it comes to what other people wear, or whom they marry ? :)
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Your Uncle Jay – please forgive me – sounds just like an old windbag, the garden variety windbag that every family must have and endure. Just stick him in a corner and cover him with a blanket at bedtime. At least, your young relative (his too, I imagine) left her abusive marriage. Would she have done so a generation ago? Would she have been allowed to initiate a divorce? There are more choices now and Uncle Jay too is aware of them, although he may not like it. Frankly, more than the old uncles, it is the tyranny of the “youthful” Ram Sena types that -as a woman – I truly dread.
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@neo: I think it’ll take more than electronic space to settle this. Besides, I can’t wave my hands around and type with the right intonations for added effect. So if you ever happen to visit the US to uh…see what you just don’t miss anymore (:D), I’d be happy to take you up on this over coffee :)
@Easily Amused: I suspect you said something nice – thank you! (And yes, you do seem to be easily amused).
@Sharmishtha: Balance is indeed the keyword, gosh! Even better if it’s in my bank, but that’s another story.
g
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Neo.. dude.. I’ve learned to look at the generational rift not as a schism but more as a continuum of disagreements and conflicts – brought about by our very different experiences in our formative years.
It’s not entirely “their” fault or “ours”.. We are in the end.. products of our surroundings.. and our two surroundings were/are completely different.
They are reacting to situations from what they’ve learned.. some with more finesse than others.. but almost all of them are out of their element – in dealing with what now really is a very different country, culture and economic and social setup from the time of their youth.
And yeah.. If we think we won’t have serious differences with your children on how they should live out their lives – especially on how they should live out their lives.. we are sadly mistaken… I’m sure when they grow up, they won’t hesitate to kick us in the nads… indeed if they don’t, we wouldn’t have done a great job at raising them.. merely a passable one.
From my personal experiences.. I’ve learned to pay lip service or out right ignore.. and do what I want.. everyone else be dammed.. and you betcha.. my son will do the same.. his daddy(me) be dammed if he thinks he’s a say in anything remotely connected with his life.
And lastly,… my big bro.. did what the old folks ordained.. and now he blames them for all his short comings.. some real and but mostly imagined… it appears that what goes around does indeed come back around.
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That’s right! You tell ‘em! Whoever said that wisdom automatically comes with age?
Those preachers think that the “younger and more foolish” generations must stay seated for an entire rendition that begins with “As an older person, my advise to you…..”
Bah!
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